


Flashes

by Wi1dflower



Category: The Rook (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Memory Loss, Multi, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2020-10-10 17:08:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20531552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wi1dflower/pseuds/Wi1dflower
Summary: An alternate universe wherein Gestalt's memories are wiped and Myfanwy is left to pick up the pieces.





	1. Chapter 1

They danced late into the night. Their arms wrapped protectively around her waist, hers around their neck. They stared into each other’s eyes, oblivious to the guests slowly trickling out of the ballroom and the staff tearing down the venue. They danced even after the band had gone home and there was no more music. What they had shared in the coatroom was unexpected. It was reckless. But they had no regrets.

Their heart beat erratically in each of their chests. They trailed their hands across her back, the silk of her dress impossibly smooth against their calloused hands. Occasionally, they would press their lips against the bare skin of her shoulder. After all those years, they were finally allowed to touch her as they'd always dreamt. 

She saw the hunger in their eyes. Once was not enough to satiate their appetite. Too much time had been wasted on mere fantasies. They would often lay in bed at night with their hands below the sheets and imagine her writhing on top of them. Imagine their mouths between her legs. Of her calling out their name as she climaxed. They didn’t want to fantasize anymore. 

“Take me home,” Myfanwy whispered in their ear. The hunger reflected in her own eyes told them that the night was far from over.

They took her by the hands and led her to their car. She sat in the back, sandwiched between Alex and Eliza. While he kissed the nape of her neck, Myfanwy slipped her hand beneath Eliza’s ruffled dress. Alex pulled the straps of Myfanwy’s dress over her shoulders, the material pooling at her hips and revealing her breasts. He adjusted in his seat so he could close his mouth over one of her hardened nipples. Myfanwy moaned and slipped a single digit inside Eliza.

In the front seat, Robert’s knuckles were bone white on the steering wheel as he navigated the dark streets of London. Teddy sat beside him, slack-jawed, eyes closed.

Myfanwy moved her thumb expertly over Eliza’s clit and watched her fall apart. Eliza braced herself against the door as her thighs clenched around Myfanwy’s hand, her entire body trembling in pleasure.

“Fuck!” she yelled.

Myfanwy turned to Alex and licked her lips at the sight of the bulge in his trousers. Her hand crept up his thigh, but just as she was about to pull the material down, Robert slammed on the breaks.

She peered out the window, immediately recognizing Gestalt’s building.

Myfanwy fixed her dress quickly before Alex pulled her out of the car. Gestalt rushed her past security and into the lift, their mouths finding hers as soon as the doors closed. They molded themselves against her until she wasn’t sure where her body began, and theirs ended.

When the lift doors opened again, they backed her out onto their floor. Impatient at their slow pace, Alex picked her up, and she instinctively wrapped her legs around his hips. She tangled her fingers in his curls, pulling slightly at his scalp. He grinned at her. They had waited so long to see this side of her. The side free from inhibition.

Myfanwy crushed her lips to his, vaguely aware of a door opening then shutting behind her. Alex briskly carried her to the bedroom, the rest of Gestalt following close behind. Inside, he sat her down gently on the bed, and Teddy moved to take his place over her taut body. Those lips still felt the tingle of hers from earlier against the pillar.

He stripped Myfanwy of her dress and underwear, and Gestalt breathed a sigh at finally seeing her body in full. She was even more beautiful than they’d imagined.

Teddy made quick work of his jacket, tossing it on the floor carelessly beside the bed. Myfanwy ground against his lower half and pulled him down onto her by his suspenders. He kissed her mouth then down to her neck, nipping at her skin as he went. Alex settled on the mattress next to her naked body. He kissed her briefly before latching his mouth to one of her breasts. Myfanwy arched her back at the feeling. Teddy trailed his tongue further down to her stomach and paused a moment to take in her expression of ecstasy.

Gestalt wanted to live in this moment forever.

Teddy situated himself between Myfanwy’s thighs and lapped at her wetness. He groaned at the taste of her, and the vibrations of his mouth had her keening into Alex’s side. Teddy worked her with his mouth for several minutes until she abruptly came and screamed their name loud enough to disturb the neighbors. As soon as she came down from her high, she demanded Teddy remove his clothes. With an impish smile, he obliged.

He pressed his forehead against Myfanwy’s when he entered her. Teddy wanted to see in her eyes the same look of fulfillment he knew was in his. And he did. It was at that moment Gestalt was certain their feelings were reciprocated. That the years of longing and desperation weren’t a burden only they had borne. This meant as much to Myfanwy as it did to them.

The realization had Teddy thrusting into her harder and faster than he’d have liked, but Myfanwy didn’t seem to mind. Rather, she rested one hand on his arse while the other wrapped around Alex to stroke him earnestly. Gestalt’s eyes rolled to the back of their heads at the collective pleasure.

Her second orgasm came as quickly as the first. She cried out, her body completely and utterly spent. Sleep beckoned her, but she fought it to bring Teddy and Alex to the same delicious brink. Teddy found his release a moment later, bucking into her wildly, then collapsing onto her with a grunt. Alex followed suit, moaning her name as he spilled himself onto the sheets.

Myfanwy felt herself drifting, but opened her eyes when Teddy adjusted her more comfortably on the bed. Robert and Eliza moved from their spots on the nearby chairs and settled themselves beside her, eyes still glazed over. The last thing Myfanwy remembered before the world went dark was the feel of lips against her head and the whisper of goodnight.

The following morning was spent the same as the previous night. Gestalt and Myfanwy explored each other’s bodies thoroughly and unabashedly. They learned that she liked to be bitten on the inside of her thighs. She learned that they were ticklish on the side of their neck.

The weekend passed swiftly, and it was soon time to rejoin society. Myfanwy left early Monday morning to shower and dress at her own flat. Gestalt stared at themselves in front of their mirrored wardrobes, unable to wipe the smiles off their faces. They had agreed to keep their newfound relationship private, at least for the time being. Neither Gestalt nor Myfanwy was ready to share the news quite yet. It had taken them so long to reach this point, and they didn’t want office politics to interfere with the elation they now felt.

Looking at their reflection, Gestalt wasn’t so certain that they would be able to keep it a secret for long.

As fate would have it, they arrived at the Checquy right as a manhunt was declared for a wanted EVA. Their ability to compartmentalize was put to the ultimate test in a meeting with Myfanwy and Linda. They struggled to devote their attention to learning about their target, a young male of Middle Eastern descent, and not to staring at Myfanwy’s lips.

“Gestalt,” Linda spoke, drawing their attention back to the head of the table, “you’ll head the operation, yes? I want this target found immediately.”

They nodded their heads.

“Be cautious. We don’t fully understand his EVA.”

They wrapped up the meeting and dispersed. Robert cast Myfanwy one last glance, a smile on his lips before he disappeared to the Surveillance Room. The rest of Gestalt left the building to search for the target, starting at his last known location.

Myfanwy settled into her office, reports already stacked on her desk. She set to work, occasionally looking up to see Robert hunched over several monitors, scrutinizing camera feeds from across the city.

Out in the field, Gestalt pursued a lead near the Millennium Bridge. A traffic camera had spotted the target leaving a car park and heading East toward the river. They parked the car, and then Teddy and Eliza took off on foot while Alex remained in the driver’s seat, ready to pursue the target at a moment's notice.

They spread out across the bridge. Ball cap pulled over her face, Eliza examined each face that passed her. Teddy walked further ahead, spying a yellow jacket the target was last seen to be wearing. The boy looked in his direction, and seeing the hard look in Teddy’s eyes, took off running.

Gestalt cursed under their breath and chased after him. Eliza weaved through the crowd of people, careful not to run into anyone. Teddy was less graceful, knocking a bystander to the ground. He ignored the insults the man threw at him.

At the other end of the bridge, Eliza caught up with the boy. He stood at the railing gasping for air, eyes darting around anxiously. Gestalt decided a feminine presence may be better suited to deescalate the situation.

“Hello,” Eliza called. The target snapped his head in her direction, and she smiled softly at him.

“Don’t come near me!”

Eliza held her hands in front of her and took a small step forward. “I’m not going to hurt you. I want to help.”

“You can’t!” he cried. “No one can.”

The boy was no older than sixteen. A child. He held his arms tightly against his chest, tears in his eyes.

Eliza took another step forward. “I can, but you’ll have to trust me.”

The boy shook his head.

Teddy stood further back, watching the scene unfold. This wasn’t where Gestalt wanted to do this. Too many people. Some had even stopped to spectate.

“What’s your name?” Eliza asked, trying to distract him.

“Nazim.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Nazim. My name is Eliza and the man back there—the one who startled you—is my friend Teddy.”

The boy’s eyes widened at the sight of Teddy’s looming figure, realizing that he was outnumbered. He glanced to his side in search of an escape route.

Fuck.

He was going to run again.

Eliza leapt forward to grab him before he could and got a fistful of his coat just in time. The boy struggled in her arms, flailing about desperately.

“Stop!” he screamed.

Teddy ran ahead to help but stopped dead in his tracks when Nazim’s hands made contact with the back of Eliza’s head.

A rush of emotion surged through Gestalt’s bodies. They saw flashes of memories. The day Myfanwy arrived at Glengrove. The nights they spent skipping curfew, laughing quietly into their hands so as not to be discovered. Their appointment of Rook at the Checquy. Late-night Chinese dinners at Myfanwy’s flat. The Founder’s Feast. The feel of her body on theirs. The secret smile they shared in the office this morning.

One by one, these memories consumed them, only to disappear a moment later.

Gestalt fought with everything they had to keep them. But there were too many. Too many precious memories. They reached out as if they could grasp one, but the image disintegrated in their hands, and the ashes blew away.

Then, it went dark.

On the bridge, Teddy and Eliza collapsed onto the pavement. Alex fell forward in the car. The weight of his body pressed down on the horn, the sound echoing throughout the car park. Back at the Checquy, Robert also fell, his head hitting the floor with a crack.

Myfanwy spared a moment from her work to look at Robert just as it happened. She shot out of her seat, faster than a bullet, and ran to his side.

His face glistened with a fine sheen of sweat. Myfanwy ran her hands over Robert as if she’d find the physical evidence of injury on his body rather than one of the bodies in the field.

“Help!”

The floor erupted into chaos. Medical professionals rushed into the room. Other Checquy assets worked to find the rest of Gestalt.

Myfanwy followed close behind as Robert was moved to the infirmary. She watched the doctors examine him, although they weren’t quite sure what they were looking for. Without the other bodies, there wasn’t much they could do.

He was moved to a private room where Myfanwy sat, holding his hand until she received word the other three bodies had been found and brought in. She ran to the end of the hall just as the double doors opened, and three separate gurneys were rushed through the hallway.

She watched helplessly as the doctors worked on them. Myfanwy hadn’t seen any obvious signs of trauma. Perhaps it was only a sedative? A new concoction developed by the Lugat that somehow affected all of Gestalt?

Hours later, there were still no answers. As far as the doctors could tell, Gestalt was in excellent health. All of their stats were normal. Their brain activity showed no signs of impaired function.

They simply wouldn’t wake.

Myfanwy moved around the room while they slept. She played with Teddy’s fingers. Ran her hand through Alex’s hair. She kissed along Eliza’s bare arm.

She refused to cry. They would be alright. If they found out she cried, they’d roll their eyes at her. Tease her for worrying too much.

Instead, she paced. The sky had grown dark outside. It was late, but Myfanwy didn’t feel tired in the slightest. She wrapped her arms around herself as she walked, her eyes flickering to the four beds every so often in case one of them stirred.

How had this day gone so wrong?

They had only just found their way to each other. It felt like a lifetime ago that they’d shared a kiss. Shared each other’s bodies.

She choked back a sob. Myfanwy pivoted on her feet, turning to look at Gestalt.

Four pairs of eyes stared back at her.


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn’t the reunion Myfanwy imagined. They didn’t hold her tightly against their bodies and kiss her passionately. They didn’t promise, with unshed tears in their eyes, never to scare her like that again. They didn’t even smile when she turned to look at them.

Myfanwy wanted nothing more than to launch herself into their arms, but something in their expression told her not to. The soft look they reserved only for her was noticeably absent. A range of emotions passed through their piercing blue eyes, each more perplexing than the last. Curiosity. Confusion. Fear. Anger.

“Gestalt?” Myfanwy asked warily.

They flinched at the sound of her voice.

Gestalt moved to sit up in bed, gripping the bed rail in support, and immediately froze. They lifted their hands tentatively to their faces as if seeing them for the first time. Their breathing became shallow as they examined the calluses of Alex and Teddy’s hands, the scar across Robert’s left palm, the manicured nails of Eliza’s slender fingers.

“What the fuck did you do to me?” Gestalt hissed.

Myfanwy stared at them incredulously. “I don’t understand.”

She glanced helplessly between Gestalt and the infirmary room door. She should call the doctor. Would it be okay to leave them alone? She could—

Gestalt glared at her and slipped their legs off the bed. They stood shakily, still holding the bed rail, but as soon as they took a step toward Myfanwy, they collapsed in a heap onto the floor.

“Gestalt!” Myfanwy cried.

She ran to Teddy, the closest of the four bodies. Her hands gripped beneath his elbows to help him up, but he quickly wrapped his own hands around her neck and threw her to the ground beneath him.

“Why do you keep calling me that?” Gestalt spat in her face. “Who the fuck are you?”

Myfanwy felt like her lungs were on fire as Teddy straddled her body, and his fingers grew impossibly tighter on her throat. She fought desperately against his hold, her body growing weaker by the second. Black spots danced across her vision, and the last thing she saw before she passed out was the look of unfathomable hatred in his eyes.

It wasn’t until after Myfanwy woke up in her own room in the infirmary, she learned a nurse walked in just in time to alert security and save her life.

She knew she should be angry. Furious even. Gestalt had tried to kill her. After all those years, after everything they had been through together, they had very nearly ended her life.

But all she felt was fear and not for herself.

Myfanwy begged to see them. Demanded to know what was wrong. The doctors only averted their eyes at her questions and promised they were working on answers. At one point, she had tried to sneak out of her room, determined to see Gestalt, but found an agent posted outside her door.

She was told it was for her own safety.

Her chest ached at the knowledge Gestalt posed a threat to her. They had always been her protector. They defended Myfanwy as children at Glengrove. Defended her against the other EVAs who didn’t understand her abilities. They tried to defend her against Bristol and his predatory teaching methods. Not that she had appreciated it at the time. Even now, at the Checquy, they watched her vigilantly. Kept her close to them. She had never felt safer than when she was with Gestalt.

It didn’t make sense.

She felt like a trapped animal in that room. The longer she waited, the more the walls seemed to move inwards as if to crush her. Gestalt needed her, and the Checquy locked her away.

Myfanwy was beginning to lose control of her emotions. Her heart raced, and she felt a familiar tingle in her fingers, her EVA rising to the surface after a long dormancy. She desperately needed her medication.

She pulled a chair to the window and hoped the cool morning breeze would calm her nerves. She sat with her knees tucked up against her chest and watched the sky brighten. Her eyes grew blurry from fatigue, but she refused to sleep.

A few hours later, Farrier showed. She dismissed the guard outside the room and placed two pills along with a bottle of water on the overbed table. Myfanwy ignored the medication. She impatiently watched as Farrier settled herself in the nearby chair, crossing her legs and clasping her hands on her lap. 

“Tell me.”

“Gestalt’s memories have been erased,” Farrier said slowly.

“What?” Myfanwy winced. The pain in her throat made it difficult to speak.

“It was the EVA. The one Gestalt was tracking. He wiped everything. Their childhood at Glengrove. Their work for the Checquy.” Farrier paused for a moment. “You.”

Myfanwy turned her head away so Farrier wouldn’t see the tears filling her eyes.

“They don’t even know who they are,” she continued.

Myfanwy’s head was spinning. “So, this morning—”

“You have to understand that Gestalt is lost. It would be a shock if you or I woke up with no memories. No recollection of our past. Gestalt has four bodies. They learned to coordinate and control those bodies in their infancy. Years of specialized training in adolescence taught them how to differentiate their behavior. All of that is gone now.”

Myfanwy couldn’t breathe anymore.

“They were acting out of fear when they attacked you. Myfanwy, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Farrier emphasized, reaching out for her hand.

_ Why wasn’t there any air in the room? _

Myfanwy shot up out of her seat and paced. The lights flickered overhead with every step.

“How do we get them back?” she gasped.

Farrier shook her head. “I don’t know. The EVA target took off before our agents arrived on the scene. It may not even be possible for him to restore their memories.”

A lightbulb burst in the background, the glass pinging as it rained down onto the tile.

Myfanwy jumped at the sound and scrambled for her medication. Her hand shook as she held the water bottle to her lips, spilling some on her paper gown. The plastic crushed beneath her fingers when she finished.

The room was quiet as Myfanwy allowed the pills to take effect. She panted slightly on the bed and hugged her arms against her body. Farrier watched her sadly.

“I want to see them.”

Myfanwy’s plan was simple. They would find the EVA and force him to return Gestalt’s memories. There was no alternative. He would return the memories, and everything would be fine. But first, she needed to see Gestalt. Even if they didn’t recognize her, there was some solace in the fact that they were alive. The EVA hadn’t killed them. They were at least safe with the Checquy.

Myfanwy looked up when Farrier didn’t immediately respond. “What?”

“Gestalt had to be sedated.”

“Why?” Myfanwy asked bitterly.

“They were hysterical. After they pulled Teddy off of you, they attacked two of our other agents. One of them is down the hall with a dislocated jaw.”

Myfanwy closed her eyes, the anger instantly fading away into despair.

“We’ll sort this out. I promise,” Farrier assured. Myfanwy heard her move across the room and pause briefly at the door. “I’m so sorry.”

When the door clicked shut behind her, Myfanwy allowed the tears to fall. She was no longer worried about Gestalt teasing her for it. They didn’t even know her. A lifetime of memories, obliterated, in one fateful moment.

She lost track of time as she sat there sobbing. The staff left her alone. She heard their footsteps pass outside her room occasionally, but they never stopped. Eventually, the exhaustion caught up to her, and she slept.

Myfanwy dreamt of Robert’s hands beneath the silk of her dress. Of Teddy’s broad fingers dancing along the skin of her back. She dreamt of Eliza’s warm lips against her neck and of Alex twirling her in his arms on the ballroom floor.

She awoke with a scream several hours later. Her body had broken out into a cold sweat, and she shivered violently as a gust of wind blew in from the open window. She gritted her teeth to keep them from rattling. Throwing back the covers, Myfanwy got out of bed and set to work getting dressed.

She checked her reflection before she left. Her eyes were horribly bloodshot. Their sunken appearance only added to her haunted complexion. The finger-shaped bruising on her neck looked black as night against her pale skin. She touched it experimentally, and pain shot through her body. She’d worry about it later.

Myfanwy wanted to see Gestalt with her own eyes.

The floor was silent as she made her way toward their room. She pushed open the door half expecting them to be sitting up in bed, awake and smiling at the sight of her in their doorway.

The hope died instantly in her chest.

Myfanwy walked to the other end of the room, where Alex slept. She brushed her fingers through his untamed curls. The lines of his face were uncharacteristically relaxed. She pressed a kiss to his forehead and moved to Robert in the next bed. His stubble scratched her as she leaned down to gently kiss his cheeks. His cologne still clung to his skin, and Myfanwy smiled briefly at the scent. She moved onto Eliza, who’s lips pouted even in her sleep. Myfanwy laid her head on Eliza’s chest and relished in the rise and fall of her breathing. Her heartbeat was steady in Myfanwy’s ear. She kissed along her throat, then turned towards Teddy. His right hand was bandaged, and blood already seeped through the cloth. She held it for a moment then placed a chaste kiss to his mouth. A single tear fell and landed on his cheek, which she wiped at with the sleeve of her blouse.

She swore it would be the last tear she would shed over them. She would fix this. No matter the cost.

With one final glance at Gestalt, she left. The drive to her flat was a welcome reprieve from her grief. She concentrated on the road, determined not to cause an accident on the way. Myfanwy was almost disappointed when she parked the car outside her building. She sat in the car park for a while and watched the sky grow dark. Windows in her building lit up, as people arrived home from work.

Myfanwy sighed.

It was time to go inside. When she left for work Monday morning, she expected to bring Gestalt back home with her that night. She wanted to feel their lips on the nape of her neck during the lift ride up. She wanted to feel their hands tugging her blouse off as she hurriedly unlocked the door. She wanted to feel them carry her to the bedroom, hunger burning in their eyes.

But none of those things happened. She was alone when she entered her flat and made her way to the bedroom.

The blue dress she’d worn at the Founder’s Feast lay strewn across her bed. In her hurry to get to work so she could see Gestalt again, she neglected to put it in the hamper. Myfanwy lifted it to her nose, the scent of rose oil still fragrant. She collapsed onto the bed, hugging the garment against her chest. Sleep beckoned, and she gave in without a fight.

By morning, Myfanwy felt in control again. She swallowed her pills over a hot cup of tea and strategized the capture of the EVA responsible for Gestalt’s memory loss. Manhunts weren’t her area of expertise, but she’d been with the Checquy long enough, she felt confident she could manage it. She didn’t trust anyone else to find the target. She needed to do this for Gestalt.

After a quick shower, she rushed to work. She needed to schedule a meeting with Farrier later in the day to discuss her plan, but she wanted to see Gestalt first. She hoped the sedative had worn off so she could speak with them. Hear their voices. Even if they were still upset with her.

She maneuvered hastily through the hallways, nearly colliding into a woman on the way. When Gestalt’s door was finally in view, she slowed her pace to a walk. She paused a moment to smooth down her skirt and tuck her hair behind her ears then pushed open the door. The smile fell from her face as she took in the space.

The four beds along the wall were empty.

“I thought I might find you here.”

Myfanwy spun on her heel and found Farrier standing behind her. “Where are they?”

“Gestalt has been transferred.”

“Transferred? Where?” Myfanwy demanded.

“New Glengrove.” Farrier avoided her eyes.

No. Absolutely not. Gestalt needed to be here. With Myfanwy.

“Why wasn’t I notified?”

Farrier sighed. “I’m sorry, Myfanwy. They need to be in a controlled environment. New Glengrove has the resources to help them. My hands were tied.”

Myfanwy struggled to breathe.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. None of this was supposed to happen.

“I’ll arrange for you to visit once they’ve settled in,” Farrier promised. She wiped at her own eyes quickly before leaving.

Myfanwy sunk to the floor outside Gestalt’s room, burying her hands into her hair. Her cries echoed down the corridor.


	3. Chapter 3

Myfanwy kept her office doors closed. Word of Gestalt’s memory loss traveled quickly, and she couldn’t bear to listen to the gossip. Questions circulated, and as their closest friend, everyone expected Myfanwy to have all the answers. Personnel from departments unrelated to her own stepped foot into her office for the first time to enquire about Gestalt.

_ Is it true? _

_ They really don’t remember you? _

_ Do you think their memories will return? _

Each question was an icy dagger to her heart. A painful reminder of what she had lost. At first, she responded noncommittally, but it didn’t take long for her patience to wear thin, and she glared at anyone who even looked in her general direction. That hadn’t deterred everyone, so Myfanwy resorted to closing her doors.

There wasn’t anything she could do about the glass walls, though. People stared at her shamelessly, whispering into each other's ears and pointing to the bruising around her neck. Myfanwy could only lower her head and use her hair as a curtain to hide behind.

She thought about taking a personal day. No one would have blamed her for it. But the thought of being alone in her flat was worse than the reality of being a spectacle in the office. She couldn’t give in to her grief at work. Instead, she could focus her efforts on finding the missing EVA target.

In the afternoon, Ingrid knocked softly on her door and placed a stack of files on her desk. She opened and closed her mouth, trying to find the right words, but settled for resting her hand on top of Myfanwy’s.

It was the first kindness anyone had shown her all day.

When the door shut behind her, Myfanwy let the tears fall freely, staining the ink of the document in front of her. She took a deep breath and wiped at her eyes, not caring what others thought of her display of emotion.

Despite her best efforts to complete some work, her mind wouldn’t focus on anything other than Gestalt. Out of habit, she looked up from her desk occasionally, expecting to see one of them walking the hallways or barking orders at some poor, unsuspecting office worker. More than anything, she wanted to catch Gestalt looking at her, too. The way they would stare at her so intently while biting their bottom lip. They would smile when her eyes met theirs, a thousand unspoken words passing between them.

By evening, Myfanwy had completed a small fraction of her workload and decided to leave early. A steady downpour descended over London as she drove through the streets. She had meant to go straight home, but thirty minutes later, she found herself parked outside Gestalt’s building.

Faced with the decision to return to her own flat or go upstairs to Gestalt’s, where her memories of them being together were most recent, she chose the latter.

She ran through the rain, not bothering to locate the umbrella she kept in her car and shivered as soon as she entered the lobby. Memories rushed through her mind. The last time she had been there, Gestalt was all over her body. They kissed and sucked at her exposed flesh, ignoring security as they ushered her into the lift.

Fortunately, she had no issue getting past security now. Gestalt had vetted her as an approved visitor when they moved in years ago. Recognizing her, the guard smirked and waved her through.

Myfanwy’s cheeks flushed. She didn’t have the mind to be embarrassed that night, but she did now.

Once inside, Myfanwy moved through their flat leisurely. Everything looked as she had left it Monday morning, but the sense of warmth and security she felt then was gone. Eventually, she made her way toward the bedroom and stopped in the doorway. Her hand searched along the wall to turn on the light. The room was impeccably tidy, no evidence of their weekend tryst remained. She took a deep breath, walked into the room, and sprawled herself across the bed.

She felt entirely too small.

It wasn’t the same without the feel of Gestalt’s hands roaming her body or the taste of their lips against hers. She missed the sound of their soft gasps and moans as she joined her body with theirs.

Myfanwy wondered if there was any part of them that missed her, too. Rooted deep in their subconscious, she hoped some memory of her still lingered.

She needed to see Gestalt. Even if only for a moment, she needed to see with her own eyes that they were okay. Myfanwy decided she didn’t care what Farrier said. She would go to New Glengrove in the morning.

Tangled in their sheets, she fell asleep, the sound of thunder rumbling in the background.

In the morning, Myfanwy busied herself packing a suitcase, full of Gestalt’s belongings. She reasoned it would be nice for them to have some personal items while they were away, but she also secretly hoped something would spark recognition.

With the suitcase loaded in her car, she drove to New Glengrove, double and triple-checking the navigation system. The drive was longer than she expected, and her hands shook slightly on the steering wheel, the closer she got to the facility.

After nearly two hours, she pulled up to the gate and handed the security guard her ID. He scrutinized her information then walked inside the guardhouse. Myfanwy watched as he typed something into his computer and returned to her car with a pensive expression.

“Your security clearance is no longer valid.”

Myfanwy blinked at him. “I don’t understand.”

“I can’t let you in. You’re not authorized,” he grumbled.

“That’s not possible.” Myfanwy could hear the slight twinge of panic in her voice. “I work for the Checquy. I have full authority to be here.”

“Not according to the system. I’m going to have to ask you to leave the premises.” The guard gestured for her to turn around.

“No, there’s been a mistake! I need to see someone in there!” she begged.

The guard reached for his holstered weapon. “You need to leave right now.”

Myfanwy’s heart raced in her chest. She never had reason to visit New Glengrove in the past, but her rank at the Checquy granted her certain permissions. This was one of them.

A thought suddenly occurred to her, and Myfanwy’s blood ran cold.

Fucking Farrier.

She gave the guard a look of contempt and backed out of the drive. Myfanwy raced back to the office in less time than it took her to arrive at New Glengrove. A car horn blared at her, and she briefly registered that she ran a red light, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Red, hot anger coursed through her body, and she marched through the Checquy hallways until she came to Farrier’s office. She didn’t bother knocking before throwing open the door, which hit the wall with a loud thud.

“You revoked my security clearance.”

Farrier looked up from her computer screen, seemingly unsurprised to find an enraged Myfanwy standing in her office. “Yes, I did.”

“Why?” Myfanwy demanded, hands clenched at her sides.

“It was for your own protection—”

“Bullshit!”

“Gestalt needs time to adjust. Please, be patient.”

“And you’re the one to decide how much time they need?” Myfanwy seethed.

Farrier sighed. “I know you want to help—”

“Don’t patronize me.”

“Myfanwy, I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“It’s too late for that.” Myfanwy glowered at Farrier, then stormed out of her office.

She settled herself on one of the outside benches and tried to calm herself down. There wasn’t a chance she’d get into New Glengrove without Farrier’s approval. It wasn’t fair. Gestalt didn’t deserve to be institutionalized, and she didn’t deserve to be kept in the dark. If anyone could help them right now, it was her.

It took a few days for Farrier to agree.

Myfanwy spent every waking moment that week trying to find the EVA target. She dedicated hours to studying numerous traffic feeds, starting from the moment Gestalt collapsed on the bridge. The boy ran approximately four miles before surveillance lost him in a crowd. She suspected he had removed his bright, yellow coat, which was one of the few identifiers she had to go on. No matter how many times Myfanwy reviewed the footage, she couldn’t figure out how the target slipped through the crowd.

Monitoring police and hospital reports had also proven futile. There hadn’t been any other occurrences of inexplicable memory loss among the general public.

Myfanwy sat at her desk writing notes in the margin of the portfolio she had drawn up for the target when Ingrid rolled into her office.

“Farrier would like a meeting with you.”

She jumped in her seat. “Now?”

Ingrid nodded her head, frowning at the hoarseness of Myfanwy’s voice.

Myfanwy quickly closed the folder in front of her and made her way towards Farrier’s office. Her anxiety increased with each passing step. Farrier wouldn’t request an impromptu meeting unless it was about Gestalt. Thoughts of them injured, miles away at New Glengrove, flashed through her mind.

By the time she made it to Farrier’s office, Myfanwy was a trembling mess. She knocked this time, mentally bracing herself for whatever Farrier was about to say.

“Come in.”

She took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

“Please, take a seat.” Farrier stood from her desk and gestured to the sofa.

Myfanwy ignored the request. “Let’s skip past the pleasantries. Is Gestalt okay?”

Farrier sighed and moved to sit on the sofa anyway. “Yes. They’re doing as well as can be expected.”

Relief crashed through her at Farrier’s admission.

“I’ve asked you here because I’d like to discuss reinstating your security clearance.”

Myfanwy’s heart raced. “You’ll let me see them?”

“Gestalt’s doctors don’t feel that they're ready for visitation,” Farrier explained. “But, I realize it’s unfair to keep them from you. I’ve made arrangements for you to go to New Glengrove in the morning. You can discuss Gestalt’s treatment with their doctors, observe them in training.”

“I just can’t speak to them,” Myfanwy replied, dejectedly. 

“No. Not yet.”

Myfanwy suddenly felt very tired and joined Farrier on the sofa. “I’ll go.”

It was less than she wanted, but she’d take what she could get. True to her word, Farrier reinstated Myfanwy’s security clearance after their meeting, and Myfanwy could barely contain the smile on her face.

She didn’t sleep at all that night.

Myfanwy stared at her ceiling for hours until she finally turned her alarm off two hours before it was meant to go off and started to get ready. After a long, hot shower, she examined herself in the foggy bathroom mirror. She looked exhausted. Her face was too pale, and her eyes looked sunken in. The bruising around her neck hadn’t faded though it was less painful.

Gestalt would be livid if they could see her now. They wouldn’t want her to neglect herself like this. Myfanwy needed to take better care, if not for herself, then for Gestalt.

She dressed quickly and forced herself to eat a light breakfast even though she wasn’t hungry.

With more than an hour before she needed to be on the road, Myfanwy paced anxiously in her flat. As the sun began to rise over the horizon, she decided she couldn’t wait any longer. She grabbed her purse and made her way down to her car.

The drive was quiet, and she arrived earlier than she needed to. Pulling up to the gate, her pulse quickened as she considered that Farrier might have changed her mind. The guard reviewed her ID, and after checking her name on the computer, opened the gate. Myfanwy sighed in relief and continued the drive up to the main facility.

She parked her car in the front and hauled Gestalt’s suitcase out of the back. It had been in her car since the last time she was at New Glengrove. She hadn’t returned to Gestalt’s flat, and it was comforting to have something of theirs so close to her.

Looking up at the facility, Myfanwy felt a shiver go down her spine. It reminded her too much of her time at Glengrove all those years ago.

She sighed deeply and pushed away her fears. Suitcase in hand, she walked into the building and up to the front desk, where a receptionist was filing paperwork into a cabinet.

“Excuse me. I have an 8 a.m. appointment—”

“You must be Myfanwy Thomas,” the woman responded without turning around. “The doctor will be with you shortly.”

Myfanwy glanced around the room, spotting a chair in the far corner. She played with a loose thread on her sleeve while she waited. After a few minutes, a middle-aged man wearing a lab coat entered through a side door.

“Myfanwy Thomas?” he asked.

She stood from her seat and reached to shake his hand. “Yes.”

“Hi, I’m Dr. Sinclair. It’s great to meet you. Linda said you’d be stopping by this morning. I’m afraid I don’t have a lot of time, but I’m happy to answer any questions you have and show you the isolation rooms.”

Myfanwy’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean—”

“What’s this? Do you plan on joining us full time at New Glengrove?” he smiled, pointing to the suitcase.

“Oh,” Myfanwy faltered, “I thought it might be helpful for Gestalt to have a few personal items.”

The doctor nodded his head in agreement. “That’s an excellent idea. The contents will need to be screened, but everything that is in compliance with safety regulations will be delivered to the patients this afternoon.”

He moved the suitcase behind the receptionist’s desk, then opened the side door he had emerged from. “Shall we?”

Myfanwy felt guilty for leaving Gestalt’s possessions behind but followed the doctor down the corridor. They stopped at a lift that required the doctor’s keycard to access. He pressed the button for the top floor.

“When will Gestalt be allowed visitors?”

Dr. Sinclair rubbed his hand against the back of his neck. “It’s difficult to say. They’re very combative at the moment.”

“Why—” The lift doors opened, and the doctor walked out before Myfanwy could finish her question. He led her through a series of hallways before they came to a door marked ‘Observation Room.’

Inside, a row of monitors lined the wall above a single desk. The room was uncomfortably small, and it took Myfanwy a moment to register what she was seeing on the screens.

“What the fuck did you do?”

The doctor’s eyes hardened. “Is there a problem?”

Myfanwy was furious.

Gestalt had been separated into four individual isolation rooms. The first monitor showed Robert pacing, his hands gripped tightly in his hair. Eliza curled herself into a ball and rocked her body back-and-forth in the second monitor. Myfanwy could see she was mumbling something to herself, although she couldn’t make out the words. In the third monitor, Alex chewed his nails to the point blood speckled his mouth. And in the fourth monitor, Teddy violently punched one of the walls in his room.

“Why aren’t they together?” she demanded.

“Their behavior is volatile. They pose a very real threat to themselves. It’s for their own safety,” he rebuffed.

“They’re scared! You’re only making it worse by keeping them apart!” Myfanwy argued. “It’s no different than if someone amputated your limbs. They need to be together to feel complete.”

The doctor studied her for a moment. “I’ll take that under advisement.”

Her heart broke for Gestalt. Before she could try to convince the doctor to let her see them in person, he muttered something about being late for an appointment and ushered her out of the room. He escorted her down to the lobby then left without another word.

Her head was spinning as she walked back to her car. She’d ask Farrier to arrange another meeting with Dr. Sinclair. She would not allow them to treat Gestalt so poorly.

Myfanwy barely remembered the drive back to her flat. The exhaustion and frustration were too much. As soon as she returned, she passed out. She dreamt of Gestalt in those padded rooms. Dressed in matching white scrubs, they lacked all traces of individuality. The fear and hopelessness reflected in their eyes had Myfanwy crying into her pillow.

When she woke up hours later, the sky had turned dark, and her phone lit up with a new message.

Myfanwy sat up in bed and blinked tiredly at the screen.

Five simple words.

**Gestalt wants to see you.**


	4. Chapter 4

Myfanwy read the text several times over before the words made sense, but as soon as she understood its meaning, her eyes filled with tears, and a soft cry escaped her throat. She clasped a hand over her mouth before a hysterical sob racked through her body. After a minute, her cries morphed into laughter, and she wiped the hot tears away from her cheeks, smiling at her phone.

She leapt off the bed and paced the bedroom. Her hands trembled as she called Farrier. Every second she waited, listening to it ring, felt like an eternity.

“Myfanwy,” Farrier answered.

“They’re back?” Myfanwy’s voice broke. She took a deep, calming breath before continuing. “Gestalt’s memories, I mean.”

A million questions raced through her mind. _ How did this happen? Do they remember everything? Are they coming home? _

The relief was palpable. Everything would return to normal, and they could move on from this hellish nightmare. After years laden with desire and desperation, she was finally free to love Gestalt. They didn’t have to hide behind their fears any longer. Fear of rejection. Fear of losing the only meaningful relationship in their lives. They could have a future together.

“Oh, Myfanwy.” Farrier’s voice was remorseful. “No, I’m sorry. Gestalt’s memories haven’t returned.”

Myfanwy stopped dead in her tracks. The smile instantly fell from her face. “You said—”

“I spoke with Gestalt’s medical team earlier today, and it seems they’ve made some progress. At your suggestion, they were reassigned to a single room, and it’s had a positive affect. Their temperament is less hostile. Their appetite has improved. They’re responding to treatment.”

“But they asked to see me?” Myfanwy whispered.

Farrier hesitated a moment, measuring her next words. “Yes. Given that this is the first breakthrough they’ve had in a week, Gestalt’s doctors feel that visitation may, in fact, be beneficial, and I agree.”

Myfanwy’s head started to ache. It was all too much. She sat on the edge of her bed and rested her elbows on her knees. Even in the dimly lit room, she could see her shoes lying haphazardly at the foot of the bed. “Okay. If I leave now—”

“Why don’t you wait until morning?” Farrier said gently. “Take some time to gather your thoughts. It’s a lot to process.”

The righteous indignation Myfanwy typically felt at being coddled by her boss was inexplicably absent. She tried to summon it but found herself far too tired to put up a fight. “I’ll wait.”

And she was glad she did.

By morning, the heartache lessened, and she felt better in control of her emotions. For the second time in as many days, Myfanwy sat in the stiff chair by the receptionist’s desk, picking invisible lint off her clothes until Gestalt’s doctor appeared from the side door.

“Miss Thomas, I’m so glad you’re able to join us today. I assume you’ve heard about yesterday’s progress?” Dr. Sinclair smiled cordially and held open the door for her to walk through.

Myfanwy stood, her legs shaky. “Yeah, Farrier filled me in last night.”

“It’s quite remarkable. Their behavior has improved beyond all my expectations after being removed from isolation. If you’re willing, I’d like to keep you on as a consultant. Your relationship with the patient would make you a valuable asset to our team.” Dr. Sinclair called the lift and looked at her expectantly.

“My relationship?” Myfanwy frowned.

They had only been together one blissful weekend. _ Did Farrier say they were in a relationship? _ Her hands instinctively clenched at her sides at the thought. Farrier was always inserting herself in matters that weren’t her fucking business.

The doctor’s eyes widened in alarm. “I only meant that you know Gestalt quite well. Any insight you can offer would be helpful.”

Myfanwy looked deep into his brown eyes. He seemed to be telling the truth. “Of course. Anything you need.”

The lift arrived with a ding, and they stepped inside wordlessly. He scanned his badge on the panel then pressed the button for the fourth floor. When the doors opened, the doctor led her through a wide hallway and stopped outside a set of double doors.

“There’s a guard stationed outside their room. If at any point you feel unsafe or need assistance, he’ll be right there. I’ll be in the Observation Room, keeping an eye on you as well. There isn’t any audio, so I won’t overhear anything,” he paused, studying her carefully. “Are you ready?”

Myfanwy nodded her head, numbly.

“Proceed straight ahead and take a left at the end of the hallway. They’re in room 402. The guard will let you in.” The doctor checked the time on his watch and retreated to the lift.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed open one of the doors and followed his directions. A gruff looking guard watched her as she approached. “I must ask that you relinquish any sharp objects: including knives, nail files, pens, pencils, safety pins, bobby pins, keys, jewelry, as well as matches, lighters, compact mirrors, glasses, belts, and medications.”

Myfanwy’s brow furrowed. She reached into her jacket pocket and handed the guard her keys. She was grateful to have left her purse in the car, making the process much quicker.

He looked her up and down skeptically. “Empty your pockets, please.”

Her anger flared at the implied accusation in his voice, but she complied nonetheless. She didn’t wait this long to see Gestalt just to be stopped right outside their door by a guard in a foul mood. The guard grumbled low in his throat and scanned his keycard on the reader next to the door. A buzzer sounded as the lock disengaged, and he held open the door, waving her inside.

Myfanwy stood frozen in her spot.

She fought so hard for this moment and now that it finally arrived, she’d forgotten everything she wanted to say. She hadn’t even stopped to consider what Gestalt might want to say to her. The last time they were in the same room together, they tried to kill her.

Perhaps she should be afraid of them, but she wasn’t. If anything, she was afraid of herself. Afraid of what would become of her if they rejected her now.

“Are you going in?” the guard complained.

With a quivering breath, she stepped forward, entering their room. It was larger than the room she’d seen on the monitors the day before. Four beds were arranged along the farthest wall, each one in disarray as if the occupants had only just woken up.

Gestalt was seated on the floor against the sidewall, legs crossed and eyes closed in meditation.

The air rushed from her lungs at the sight of them. They wore the clothes she had packed in the suitcase, albeit not on the correct bodies. Despite her nerves, Myfanwy cracked a smile at Robert in a loose-fitting Adidas tracksuit set and Alex in a white button-down shirt.

They looked so peaceful it was disconcerting.

Myfanwy glanced at the door, checking if the guard was watching. She was relieved to see he wasn’t, although the camera mounted on the ceiling still made her uncomfortable. She returned her attention to Gestalt.

The icy blues of their eyes met hers.

She flustered beneath the heat of their gaze. Even without their memories, the foundation of their very identities, Gestalt had the ability to make her weak in the knees. The air in the room seemed to thicken, and Myfanwy forgot how to breathe.

Lost for words, she said the only thing that came to mind. “Hi.”

The spell was broken. Gestalt blinked rapidly, averting their eyes down to the floor. They remained silent for a moment, but then, with a great deal of concentration and effort, Eliza stood up and reached out to take Myfanwy’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Myfanwy searched for any flicker of recognition in Eliza’s eyes. There was none.

Anguish washed over her.

She told herself not to raise her hopes, not to expect anything. But she did. Beyond all reason, she truly believed Gestalt would remember her.

Myfanwy smiled sadly and took Eliza’s soft hand in her own. She jolted slightly at the contact. Eliza was the last one she shared her body with before the accident. Settled between her legs, Eliza ignored her cries that she needed to go home and change for work. She pinned Myfanwy's writhing body to the bed, making her come twice, once with her fingers and again with her mouth. Myfanwy blushed at the painfully vivid memory, moving her hand back to her side.

Gestalt watched her with great interest. Like she was a puzzle that they were trying to solve. “I’m sorry. For hurting you in the infirmary,” they said together.

There weren’t any chairs for her to sit, the room largely taken up by the four beds, so Myfanwy slid down the wall opposite Gestalt, and tucked her legs against her chest. Eliza followed suit, sitting between Teddy and Robert.

“It’s not your fault,” she replied, honestly.

“Are you okay?”

It was a loaded question. One, she didn’t even know how to begin to answer. Of course, they were referring to her neck, but really, it was all the same. Her hand reflexively reached for her throat. She’d purposely worn a high collar sweater for the occasion, not knowing what kind of reaction the dark bruising would elicit from them.

“Yeah. I’m okay,” Myfanwy sighed. It was a lie, but she didn’t want to burden them with her grief.

Teddy’s eyes followed her hand, and he swallowed thickly. “Can I see?”

“No!” she gasped. They looked away from her quickly, and she instantly felt guilty. This wasn’t going well. “Are you okay? You seem to be doing better than the last time I saw you.”

Gestalt chewed on their nails. “It’s confusing. Not knowing who I am. What I am.”

Myfanwy’s eyes fixated on their mouths. They may have lost their memories, but they still had the impulse to bite their fingernails when they were nervous. It was a sign. An infinitesimal sign that somewhere, buried deep in their psyche, Gestalt was still there. She resisted the urge to crawl into their laps and kiss them senseless.

“I wanted to thank you,” Robert said quietly, bringing her attention back to them. “For having me removed from isolation.”

“And for the clothes,” Alex added, toying with the hem of his shirt.

A tear slid down Myfanwy’s cheek. She wiped it away with the back of her hand, embarrassed. “I’m sorry. It’s so strange, talking to you like this.”

“Who are you?” Gestalt cringed. They rephrased the question. “Who are you to me?”

Myfanwy closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the padded wall. She didn’t know how much to tell them. How much they could handle. “I’m your friend.”

“Friend,” they repeated, testing the word on their lips. “I must not have many of those. You’re the only one to visit so far.”

She didn’t know how to respond. It was true. Gestalt didn’t prioritize many relationships in their life. They didn’t allow themselves to become close to anyone. Except for Myfanwy.

“What about my family?” they continued.

Myfanwy flinched. “No, I’m sorry. You don’t have any family. As children, you were raised in Glengrove. That’s where we met.”

Their eyes hardened at her admission. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. They’d have to be mad to want someone like me for a child,” Gestalt replied bitterly.

“No! That’s not—”

They stood abruptly from the floor and surrounded her, their faces marred by anger. “Don’t fucking lie to me!”

“I’m not!” Myfanwy held her hands up as if to surrender. Adrenaline rushed through her veins, her eyes darting to the camera.

“Get the fuck out.”

They spoke so quietly she wasn’t sure if she imagined it. “What?”

“Leave!” Gestalt shouted, hands balled into fists at their sides. “And don’t fucking come back!”

She stared at them helplessly, mouth agape. When she didn’t move, they reached down and grabbed her by the upper arms, hauling her to her feet.

“Wait, no!” she cried. She was vaguely aware of a loud buzzer and hurried footsteps running into the room. The guard’s arm wrapped around her waist, dragging her away from Gestalt’s looming figures. “Let go of me!”

Myfanwy thrashed against his body. Her nails clawed at the bare skin of his hand; she stomped forcefully on his boots. Anything to release his hold on her. But his grip was iron-strong, and he backed her out of the room easily.

“Gestalt!” she screamed at the top of her lungs.

The door slammed shut in her face.  
  



	5. Chapter 5

The sense of loss was immediate. Any remnants of the false hope she so desperately clung to died instantly. It was all for nothing. The sacrifices she made, the battles she fought. It all accumulated to a ten-minute conversation that ended with her being dragged out of the room screaming. Myfanwy went limp in the guard’s brawny arms, resigning herself to the fact that she failed. Gestalt may be lost to her forever.

Their words played in her mind over and over again.

_ Get the fuck out. _

_ Leave. _

_ Don’t fucking come back. _

Heavy footsteps raced down the corridor, and she heard the guard’s voice rumbling behind her, but a high pitch ringing in her ear distorted the words coming out of his mouth. She felt herself being lowered to the floor, and she instinctively wrapped her arms around her body. Under the blinding fluorescent lights, she had never felt so vulnerable. Insignificant.

There was a tightness in her chest, an unbearable ache that had her gasping desperately for air. Her fingers clawed at the collar of her shirt, scratching the black and purple bruising on her throat as she tried to rid herself of the constricting material.

“Miss Thomas!” Dr. Sinclair yelled. He pulled her hands forcefully down to her lap, trying to still her frantic movements. “Stop! You’re going to hurt yourself!”

“I can’t breathe!” Myfanwy cried.

Dr. Sinclair studied her carefully. “Yes, you can. Breathe deeply in through your nose. Feel the air filling your lungs. Now, breathe out through your mouth. Slowly.”

Myfanwy watched him with tear-filled eyes as he demonstrated the breathing technique. She focused on the rise and fall of his chest and held firmly to his hands in her own. His skin was dry and cracked, but the warmth was comforting. After several excruciating minutes, her breathing returned to normal, and she offered him a shaky smile in gratitude.

“Do you want the patient returned to isolation?”

Myfanwy’s head snapped up to the security guard. He peered through the door window into Gestalt’s room, hand already reaching for the baton holstered on his belt. Red-hot anger coursed through her veins. “No!”

“Absolutely not,” Dr. Sinclair replied sternly.

“But—”

“This is nothing but a minor setback. There’s no need to punish the patient for what was clearly a misunderstanding. Isn’t that correct, Miss Thomas?” Dr. Sinclair turned to look at her pointedly.

Myfanwy scarcely dared to hope he was right. But the sincerity reflected in his eyes had her nodding her head in agreement.

The guard grumbled under his breath and returned to his post.

Dr. Sinclair stood from his crouched position, his knees cracking with the exertion, and helped Myfanwy slowly to her feet. “Are you able to walk?”

“Yeah,” Myfanwy sighed.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you a few questions about your interaction with Gestalt. We can discuss it privately in my office.” His eyes flickered to the security guard.

Myfanwy didn’t want to discuss anything. She wanted to forget the sting of Gestalt’s rejection, bury it deep in the recesses of her mind until it was nothing but a wisp of a memory. But Gestalt didn’t deserve her weakness. She owed them more than to simply give up at the first sign of defeat.

She took a deep breath. “Of course.”

Dr. Sinclair placed his hand at the small of her back, guiding her forward. They walked silently down the hallway, their shoes padding softly on the tiled floor. With each passing step, the tightness in her chest grew stronger. She forced herself to take calming breaths and not collapse under the weight of her grief. As they approached the corner, a shiver ran down her spine. The heat of someone’s gaze burned into her back, and she turned on her heel, expecting to find the security guard glaring at her for undermining his authority.

But it wasn’t the guard.

He stood stoically next to the door, checking the time on his wristwatch. Through the small window into Gestalt’s room, they stared after her. Their expression was unreadable, although it lacked their earlier malice. A lump formed in her throat.

Myfanwy wanted to go back. She knew that she wouldn’t make it far, but she might make it close enough to press her hands to the glass and promise them she wasn’t giving up. Promise them that they were worth fighting for.

She didn’t, though.

Instead, she followed Dr. Sinclair down the adjoining hallway. Once outside the set of double doors, Myfanwy discreetly wiped her sleeve over her eyes. It felt wrong to leave this way. So many words unspoken. So many memories unshared.

Nothing had been gained, and everything had been lost.

She was grateful Dr. Sinclair kept his back to her as they made their way to his office. He held open the door for her to walk through, then placed a box of tissues at the edge of his desk. He busied himself at the computer for a few moments while she composed herself.

“I’d like to start from the beginning.”

Myfanwy nodded tersely.

“Was there any indication the patient recognized you?” Dr. Sinclair questioned.

“None,” Myfanwy squeezed her eyes shut tightly. “I mean, they remembered me from when they woke up in the infirmary; after the incident with the EVA on the Millennium Bridge. They expressed remorse for attacking me. But that’s it. Nothing before then.”

“You’re certain?”

She gritted her teeth. “Yes.”

“This remorse you mentioned. Did it seem genuine?”

“Yes! They’re not sadists,” Myfanwy replied defensively.

Dr. Sinclair looked up from his keyboard. “I didn’t mean to cause any offense. Can you describe, in detail, the conversation that preceded the patient’s outburst?”

“They asked about their family, and I told them the truth. Their family was gone, and as children, they were raised in Glengrove. But then they became so angry. They said their parents would have been mad to want them. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have said anything,” Myfanwy said tiredly.

“Don’t blame yourself. Their emotional response is quite understandable. They may simply need time to process it.”

Myfanwy bowed her head. “They called me a liar.”

Dr. Sinclair leaned back in his chair and appraised her curiously. “Why?”

“I didn’t want them to think they were alone in the world. I tried to tell them, but they didn’t believe me.”

“It’s all a matter of trust,” he said thoughtfully. “Just like the rest of us, you’re going to have to earn it. They don’t have any reason to trust you right now. It’ll take some time.”

Myfanwy let out a breath she had been holding.

There was hope after all.

For the better part of an hour, Dr. Sinclair asked question after question about Gestalt’s behavior. Everything from their compulsive nail-biting to their abrupt demands that she leave the room. It wasn’t until she described the events out loud that she realized they hadn’t actually hurt her. Even in their furious state, their grasp on her arms had been gentle. In disbelief, she rolled up her sleeves and reveled at the unblemished skin.

At the conclusion of their meeting, Dr. Sinclair assured her that he was still in support of visitation. However, they would allow Gestalt a brief respite before trying again.

Afterward, Myfanwy sat alone in her car, critiquing every decision she made that morning. Her mind raced with what-ifs.

_ What if she hadn’t settled for a handshake and kissed Eliza like she wanted to? _

_ What if she had been honest and said they were more than friends? _

_ What if she had lied about their family? _

Her head ached just thinking about it. If she had made any other decision, chosen a different course of action, she might still be with them. They might not hate her.

After a while, she grew sick of staring at New Glengrove and pulled out of the car park. She didn’t have a particular destination in mind. She was too distracted to work and too wound up to go home. There wasn’t anywhere in the world she felt a greater sense of belonging than with Gestalt, and she wasn’t even welcome with them anymore.

She drove without purpose.

Her phone buzzed in the passenger seat, undoubtedly messages from Farrier wanting to debrief. Myfanwy ignored the incessant noise. She wasn’t ready to go through it all again. More than anything, she didn’t want Farrier’s sympathy.

It wasn’t planned, but not long after the first message flashed across her screen, Myfanwy realized where she was heading. She parked her car outside one of the nearby shops and made her way towards the Millennium Bridge. She blended easily into the crowd, another face in the sea of strangers. But she wasn’t there to get from point A to point B.

She was there to visit ground zero.

People laughed jovially as they passed her by. Parents swung a little girl in their arms. A young couple clasped their hands together. A teenager talked animatedly into his phone.

It was unfathomable to imagine being happy on that bridge.

Myfanwy frowned as she walked to the opposite end. After hours of watching CCTV footage, she knew precisely where it happened. She stopped by the guardrail and examined the pavement. She didn’t know what she was looking for. Perhaps some type of evidence of what transpired. A crack. A stain. A fucking chalk outline.

Anything to signify what she had lost.

But there was nothing.

Myfanwy closed her eyes and choked down the rising hysteria. It was all so unfair.

She practiced the breathing exercise Dr. Sinclair showed her and turned to face the River Thames. She focused on the water as she waited for the panic to dissipate. After a few deep breaths, her heart rate slowed, and she was able to unclench her hands from the railing.

With one last forlorn glance at the pavement, she turned to leave. But a face in the crowd stood out. His head was mostly covered by the hood of his jacket, but even at a distance, she could see he watched her with an inquisitive expression. His eyes flitted from Myfanwy to the ground, and she instantly knew who he was.

“Please!” she called out.

He pivoted quickly to run then stopped himself. His chest heaved with a heavy sigh, and he turned back to face her. Myfanwy walked towards him slowly, afraid he’d change his mind and take off. She stopped in front of him, close enough to reach out and grab his jacket if needed. “I know you.”

“I know you, too.”

“You do?” Myfanwy’s brow furrowed.

The boy nodded his head. “I saw you in that blonde woman’s memories. You were in so many of them.”

She blinked back the tears. “My name is Myfanwy.”

“Nazim,” he said shyly.

“Can we go somewhere to talk, Nazim?” Myfanwy begged. “I have so many questions, and I need to understand what happened. Please.”

He glanced nervously over her shoulder.

“It’s just me,” she promised. “I’m alone.”

Nazim assessed her carefully to determine if she was telling the truth. After a moment, he sighed. “Okay.”

Myfanwy smiled. “Okay.”

They walked side by side off the bridge. Nazim’s eyes darted around anxiously, searching for unknown enemies. Myfanwy feared he was going to run and quickly suggested they go into one of the nearby restaurants. The mention of food instantly piqued his interest.

As it turned out, Nazim was ravenous.

Myfanwy watched sadly as he cleared his plate in record time. She insisted he take the rest of her own plate, which he finished just as fast. “When was the last time you’ve eaten?”

Nazim shook his head. “I don’t remember.”

“Don’t your parents feed you?” she asked incredulously.

His expression became crestfallen. “I’m alone, too.”

“Oh,” Myfanwy flinched. “I’m so sorry.”

“I haven’t seen them in a very long time. Not since I was captured. I don’t even know if they’re still alive.”

“You were captured? By the Lugat?” Myfanwy sat forward in her seat.

Nazim shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. My mother sent me to the market one afternoon, and when I came home, everyone was gone. I tried to search for them, but someone threw a bag over my head and forced me into the back of a van. I don’t really remember the journey. One day I was in Syria, and then a few days later, I was here.”

“How did you escape?”

Nazim averted his eyes.

“Your EVA?” Myfanwy guessed. “Did you wipe their memories as well?”

“I didn’t mean to! It just happened!”

Myfanwy cast a nervous glance at the patrons who turned in their direction. “It’s okay. We can figure this out. But first you have to tell me. Can you undo it? Can you return the memories?”

Tears streamed down Nazim’s cheeks. “I don’t know!”

“Okay,” Myfanwy replied breathlessly. “That’s okay. Do you think you can try?”

Nazim fell silent.

There were so many questions she wanted answered. How did his EVA work? How did he avoid being captured by the Checquy? How did he find her on the bridge? But this question was the only one that really mattered.

A few moments later, he nodded ever so slightly. “Yes. I can try.”   
  



	6. Chapter 6

The sky darkened as the storm approached. Overhead, billowy clouds threatened to let down a torrent of rain at any moment. A gust of wind swept across the bridge and blew Myfanwy’s hair across her face. She tucked the strands behind her ears, turning her head slightly to make sure Nazim was still at her side. He was silent as they walked to the car park, staring blankly down at the pavement. His expression was a mask of pain and remorse.

A sense of foreboding crept up her spine.

Myfanwy tried to blame it on the looming storm, tried to convince herself the stress of the last few days was messing with her head, but the doubt remained. It weighed heavily on her mind, casting a shadow over her earlier elation.

After Nazim admitted he might be able to return Gestalt’s memories, she wasn’t able to contain her smile. Nearly laughed herself into hysterics at the mere thought of it. The solution to all her problems was seated directly in front of her. A boy, no older than sixteen with dark, sad eyes and mustard smeared across his chin.

Now, it felt too easy. She had been burned too many times and didn’t dare allow herself to believe it could be real.

So, she waited for the inevitable. But this time she was ready.

She kept a close eye on Nazim as they crossed the bridge. Her fingers twitched anxiously at her sides, prepared to grab him by the shirt if he tried to run. She didn’t care if he caused a scene, or if he screamed to the high heavens for someone to save him. Myfanwy would drag him to New Glengrove by her bare hands if she had to.

As an extra measure, she studied each face in the crowd, searching for a hard glint to the eye or a twist of the mouth. Anything that might alert her to danger. She almost expected a member of the Lugat to lunge forward and reclaim their runaway EVA. It was one of those rare moments that she wished she was a field agent. The pills kept her abilities at bay, and it had been years since she’d undergone any formal training. She didn’t know if she’d be able to defend them both.

It wasn’t until they arrived safely at the car park that she allowed herself to breathe a sigh of relief. In the quiet calm of her car, she realized how erratically her heart was beating in her chest. While Nazim settled himself in the passenger seat, she stole a few moments to collect herself.

Once Myfanwy regained control of her emotions, she backed out of the space and turned left onto the road in the direction of New Glengrove. She watched in the mirror as the Millennium Bridge receded in the background until it vanished completely. Of course, the bridge wasn’t to blame for Gestalt’s condition, but it still felt like a malignant presence in her life.

Nazim watched out the window as they drove out of the city. His arms wrapped around himself, his body trembling slightly. She didn’t know if it was from the cold or fear, but she turned up the heat nonetheless.

And then the inevitable happened.

The cars came out of nowhere, swerving in and out of traffic. One of them pulled ahead of Myfanwy and came to a stop, forcing her to do the same. She hit the brakes before they could crash. The other cars stopped behind her, effectively blocking her in.

“Fuck!” she gasped. “Are you okay?”

Nazim pointed ahead, and his voice shook with terror. “Look.”

Myfanwy turned to look where he was pointing, but something in the mirror caught her attention, and the blood in her veins turned to ice. She glared as Farrier stepped out of one of the cars in the back, her mouth pressed into a firm line. She walked with an air of arrogance, her shoulders squared, and her head held high.

“I can’t go back!” Nazim cried.

She shook her head. “It’s not the Vultures.”

Nazim’s eyes darted from Myfanwy to the agents that now surrounded the car. “Then who is it?”

“My fucking boss.”

Farrier tapped her knuckles against Nazim’s window. “Unlock the door, Myfanwy.”

Myfanwy begrudgingly complied, but only because she knew the alternative was Farrier using her EVA, and she didn’t want to subject Nazim or herself to that torture. Farrier pulled open the door and held out her hand for Nazim to step out. “Please, come with me.”

He gave Myfanwy a desperate look.

“It’s okay,” she said breathlessly. “I’ll be right behind you.”

Nazim frowned but did as he was told. One of the agents Myfanwy recognized from Surveillance grabbed him by the upper arm and led him to the car upfront. He stared at Myfanwy pleadingly before he disappeared into the backseat.

“What the hell, Linda?” Myfanwy demanded. She rounded the car to stand in front of Farrier, her hands balled into fists at her sides. “What is this? Why are you here?”

Farrier held up her hands to stop her. “Where were you taking the EVA target?”

“I was taking him to New Glengrove so he can undo whatever the hell he did to Gestalt,” Myfanwy seethed. “How did you even know he was with me?”

Farrier averted her eyes.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Myfanwy laughed bitterly. “You’re tracking me. That’s it, isn’t it?”

“It’s for your own protection, Myfanwy. Your emotions have been elevated since Gestalt’s incident, and that makes you a threat to both yourself and others.”

“I’m perfectly in control of my EVA,” Myfanwy asserted, although, at that moment, she felt anything but in control.

Farrier frowned, seeing right through her facade. She stepped around Myfanwy and opened the passenger door. “Get in.”

“What?” Myfanwy’s brow furrowed.

“I’m driving you back to the office. You need to be debriefed.”

“Debriefed? Linda, there isn’t any time! Nazim said he might be able to return Gestalt’s memories. We need to go to New Glengrove right now,” she begged.

“You were harboring an EVA target, Myfanwy. The EVA target responsible for Gestalt’s memory loss. You were caught on CCTV leaving London when you should have been bringing him to us.” Farrier shook her head. “What do you even know about him? What makes you so certain he wants to help?”

Myfanwy didn’t have an answer.

Farrier sighed. “Please, get in the car.”

She cast one last look at Nazim’s car then stepped into her own. Farrier shut her door and turned to give orders to the agents standing around. After a minute, they all retreated to their cars and left as quickly as they arrived. Nazim’s car pulled away just as Farrier slipped into the driver’s seat and started the ignition.

And then, the storm finally broke.

Myfanwy leaned her head back and watched as the rain streamed down the windows. Thunder rumbled above, sending shockwaves through her bones. The drive to the office was silent, Myfanwy too absorbed in her thoughts to respond to Farrier’s questions. It didn’t matter, though. Twenty minutes later, they pulled into the car park, and she was escorted to the interrogation room.

It was strange being on the other side of the glass. Insulting.

She sat stiffly at the metal table, trying to ignore the heat of Farrier’s stare on her back from the other side of the wall. Her clothes were still wet from the downpour since her request to change into something dry was immediately denied. Drops of water dripped from her hair down to the tabletop, and she resisted the urge to wipe them away with her sleeve.

The door opened suddenly, and Conrad walked in with a tight smile. “Hello, Myfanwy.”

“Grantchester.”

“I’d like to ask you a few questions, if that’s alright.” Conrad sat down at the table and clasped his hands together in front of him.

Myfanwy opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, her head began to cloud as his EVA washed over her.

“Tell me about the boy.”

“Nazim,” she corrected.

Conrad nodded. “Nazim. What do you know about him?”

“Vultures grabbed him in Syria and brought him here, but he escaped using his EVA.”

“Have you had contact with him prior to this afternoon?”

Myfanwy glowered. “Are you accusing me of orchestrating Gestalt’s memory loss? Absolutely not. I was at the Millennium Bridge, and Nazim found me there. He said he recognized me from Gestalt’s memories. That’s all I know.”

“Is he able to return Gestalt’s memories?”

“I asked if he could try, and he said yes.” Myfanwy rubbed her aching temples. “That’s why I was taking him to New Glengrove.”

“And what did he ask for in exchange?”

“Nothing,” she sighed. “He didn’t ask for anything.”

Conrad looked over her shoulder and nodded his head. “Thank you, Myfanwy. You’re free to leave.”

“That’s it?” Myfanwy frowned at him.

Conrad gave her a curious expression. “Is there anything else you would like to add?”

“No,” she replied.

“I’ll be interrogating Nazim in a few minutes if you care to listen in.”

Myfanwy stood numbly from her chair and walked out of the room. The door closed softly behind her, and she let out a shuddering breath as the effects of Conrad’s EVA wore off. She made her way slowly to the room next door, her shoes squeaking on the tiled floor.

Farrier turned to look at her as she entered, a sad smile on her lips. “I am sorry, Myfanwy. We had to be sure.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and stood as far away from Farrier as she could while still seeing through the narrow window. The same agent that led Nazim away from the car brought him into the interrogation room. He sunk into the chair across from Conrad, his feet tapping nervously under the table.

“Hello, Nazim. My name is Conrad Grantchester. I’m going to ask you some questions, and I want you to answer them truthfully. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Nazim nodded.

They began with the day the Vultures arrived. Myfanwy listened as he described the confusion of finding his home ransacked and his family missing. The fear as a bag was forced over his head, and he was shoved into the back of a van. The shame of using his EVA on the same men who abducted him.

He recounted the moment his hands made contact with their skin, the sudden surge into their minds. Memories flashed through his head—memories that didn’t belong to him—only to disappear a moment later. They simply ceased to exist once he’d seen them. Gone.

Nazim ran after the Vultures' bodies fell hard to the ground. He ran until his legs gave out and he had no other choice but to stop and rest. He tried to find a way back to Syria, but without money or identification, it was hopeless.

“Did you try going to the authorities?” Conrad asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. “I thought about it, but I was scared they would find me there. It would be the first place they looked.”

“One of our agents tried to apprehend you on the Millennium Bridge—”

Nazim’s expression turned stricken. “I thought they were going to take me back! I didn’t mean to hurt them. I just wanted to get away, and they wouldn’t let me.”

“Tell me what happened.” Conrad leaned forward in his seat.

“The woman grabbed me.” Nazim wiped his hand across his nose. “I tried to fight her, but she wouldn’t let go. Not until I touched the back of her head. It was an accident. I was just trying to get away. But it was too late. She collapsed in front of me, and I ran. I waited for the man to come after me, but he never did.”

Myfanwy blinked back tears behind the window. She remembered vividly seeing the footage of Gestalt falling on the bridge. Their bodies lying lifelessly on the pavement.

“How do you know Myfanwy Thomas?” Conrad questioned. “Why did you meet her at the Millennium Bridge today?”

Nazim sat up straighter in his chair. “I saw her in the woman’s memories. Myfanwy was important to her. I also saw that she works for the British government. I thought if I found her, maybe she could help me get back home. I didn’t know her home or work address, but I thought maybe she would go back to the bridge. I waited there every day, just in case.”

Conrad considered his words for a moment. “Myfanwy says you may be able to return Gestalt’s memories. Is that true?”

“I don’t know. I’ll try.”

Conrad stood from his seat and paced the room. After his third lap, he walked to the door and spoke to the agent posted outside. Then, he turned back to Nazim. “Gestalt is being kept in a secure location for their own safety. I’d like to send you there, as well. New Glengrove is staffed by leading medical professionals who can help you understand and control your EVA. Until you do, you’re not to have any contact with Gestalt. We can’t risk you causing any more damage.”

The air rushed out of Myfanwy’s lungs.

She pounded angrily on the glass as the agent strode into the room and hauled Nazim to his feet. He turned back to look at her sadly.

Myfanwy spun on her heel to face Farrier. “You can’t do this!”

“It’s only temporary,” she reassured, resting her hand on Myfanwy’s shoulder. “Nazim’s EVA is unpredictable. It’s better that he practices on lab rats than Gestalt. Once he has learned to control his abilities, he can try to restore their memories.”

Myfanwy shook her head vehemently. “You’re wrong.”

She raced out of the room and down the corridor to the car park. She took the steps two at a time, watching dejectedly as the car drove off to New Glengrove. Standing alone in the pouring rain, Myfanwy realized it was the second time she had been left behind.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like forever since Gestalt has made an appearance. Next chapter will be all about them.


	7. Chapter 7

The backlight on the top shelf of liquor flickered incessantly. It was as unseemly and out of place as Myfanwy felt; in the otherwise upscale pub on a Tuesday night. She sat alone on a barstool, surrounded by the desolate and downtrodden: businessmen lying to their wives about needing to stay late at the office, recent divorcees burying their sorrows at the bottom of a bottle, young twenty-something-year-olds ranting to their friends about a promotion that didn’t pan out.

Myfanwy pressed her nearly empty glass of bourbon to her aching temple and stared at the faltering light. She listened to the other patrons complain about their miserable lives, all the while thinking, hers was the saddest of them all. Nothing was worse than being forgotten.

It had been two weeks since she’d seen Gestalt. Two weeks since she’d been given any updates on their progress. Or, rather, lack thereof. Her despair intensified every minute that ticked by without a word from their doctors.

Myfanwy’s world was shattering, and she was powerless to stop it. The foundation of everything she believed was shaken. She didn’t know who she was without them. Her happiness, her sense of security, the very essence of her identity—it was all tethered to Gestalt. A piece of her soul was missing. Four pieces, perhaps.

She felt their absence everywhere. In the echoing halls of the office late at night. In the cold, empty sheets of her bed. In the stories, she wanted to share with them, only to realize mid-text, that they wouldn’t be on the other end to see it.

There were so many things she wanted to tell Gestalt. Little things that would make them laugh, like the barista at her favorite coffee shop mishearing her name and writing Tiffany on her cup. Big things that would make her cry, like admitting she was in love with them.

She had never said those words out loud. Not even to herself.

Of course, they’d always loved each other. Like lost sailors in the sea clinging to the wreckage of a ship, they’d held onto one another all those years. After she’d been brought to Glengrove, Gestalt became her life preserver, in every sense of the meaning. The shock of it all—the manifestation of her EVA and being ripped away from her family—threatened to destroy her.

A thick, hazy fog distorted the memories of her first few days at the institution. She vaguely remembered the saccharine perfume of the nurse who brought in trays of food while she was in quarantine and the vile taste of the pills they forced her to take three times a day. But, once the fog cleared, Gestalt was there. And they had been there every day since. They led her out of the darkness and into the light.

From the very beginning, there had always been a line in their relationship. A line they didn’t dare cross. Myfanwy didn’t know who drew it, but it was there. For over a decade, they teetered on that line, tempted to see what lied on the other side.

It sent a thrill through her body every time she thought Gestalt was finally going to give in. The touches that lasted a beat too long. The eyes that wandered to secret places. The whispers that filled with lust. But, they never crossed the line. Perhaps, for the same reasons that Myfanwy never crossed it herself.

Fear of rejection.

The fear was gone now, and she wanted to tell Gestalt she loved them, but they didn’t want to see her. Gestalt’s doctors didn’t want to see her either. If they did, they’d have the decency to call or text. Put her out of her goddamn misery.

Myfanwy threw back the last of the bourbon.

The screen of her phone suddenly lit up on the bar top, and she read the name of the incoming call. Farrier.

She ordered another drink.

They had barely spoken since the interrogation. Myfanwy avoided crossing paths with her in the office and refused to communicate with her other than through Ingrid. Farrier cornered her twice in the car park, pleading with Myfanwy to understand her actions were well-intended. It was a lie.

The light continued to flicker behind the shelf. Myfanwy raised the refilled glass to her lips and wondered briefly if her EVA was doing it. Her head was warm and fuzzy, and she couldn’t remember if she’d taken her pills that morning.

“Is anyone sitting here?”

Myfanwy turned to look at the man standing to her left. He smiled and gestured to the vacant barstool next to her.

She shook her head. “It’s all yours.”

The man smoothed back his hair and waved the barkeeper over.

Myfanwy’s phone lit up again. She sighed, seeing Farrier’s name on the screen, and turned her phone face down.

“Everything alright?” the man asked.

“Yeah,” Myfanwy replied. “It’s just my boss.”

The man nodded in understanding. “Yours too? Mine has been a total prick this week. Can I buy you a drink to make up for it?”

She picked up her glass to show him she already had one, only to realize it was empty. She didn’t even remember finishing it. “Oh, no,” Myfanwy said, reaching for her coat. “I should probably be going anyway.”

“One drink,” the man insisted. “Something tells me you could use it.”

Myfanwy thought about the deafening silence that awaited her at home. Her flat once felt too small with all of Gestalt inside of it. Now, it felt entirely too big without them.

The ghost of Gestalt lingered everywhere. One moment she’d be all alone, and the next she’d see Alex rummaging in the kitchen, looking for the sweets she purposely hid from him, or Robert shuffling through her music collection, complaining that she didn’t have any of the classics. Then, she’d blink, and they’d be gone. It broke her heart every time.

Myfanwy took a deep breath. “One drink.”

The man grinned, his hazel eyes sparkling. He held out his hand. “I’m Sam.”

“Myfanwy.”

She didn’t know exactly when it happened, but at some point during the evening, Myfanwy began to enjoy herself. She laughed at Sam’s jokes, occasionally wiping away tears from the corners of her eyes, and her smile stretched so wide it was almost painful.

One drink turned to two, then three, and then she lost count altogether.

Myfanwy saw the way he looked at her. The way his eyes trained on her mouth as she talked. The way his hand crept toward hers on the bar top. For a moment, she imagined what it would be like to go home with him. To feel his body against hers. To satisfy the ache to touch and be touched. To forget everything.

But she knew she’d regret it in the morning. Guilt washed over her for even thinking about it.

She wanted to see four pairs of blues eyes roaming over her naked body, not Sam’s green eyes. She wanted to bury her fingers in the silky, slicked-back, curly, and expensively-styled blonde hair of Gestalt, not Sam’s chestnut-colored crew cut. She wanted to taste Gestalt’s sweetness on her tongue, not Sam’s Old Fashioned.

Myfanwy was playing with fire by staying, but even if she didn’t intend on sleeping with Sam, his money was still good. The drinks kept flowing, and as long as she was inebriated, she couldn’t feel anything else. She was numb to the pain that threatened to bring her to her knees every moment she was sober.

“Tell me something about yourself,” Sam said, finishing his drink. “I haven’t shut up for the past hour, and I’m sure you’re tired of hearing me talk about my work.”

Myfanwy shook her head, swaying slightly on the barstool. “There isn’t much to tell. My life isn’t all that interesting.”

“I highly doubt that.” Sam licked his lips and leaned closer to her.

Her eyes widened in alarm, but before she could process that he was about to kiss her, a warm hand suddenly closed over her shoulder. She spun in her seat to find Farrier staring cold-stone at Sam. “Myfanwy, may I have a word?”

Myfanwy was frozen. Two worlds were colliding, and she didn’t know what to do about it. She didn’t want to speak to Farrier—to listen to her spew lie after lie—but the alternative was siding with Sam, and she didn’t want him to think she was interested.

“Yeah,” she muttered. “Fine. Sam, do you mind?”

Sam frowned but rose to his feet. He pointed to one of the tables by the window overlooking the street. “I’ll be right over there if you need me.”

Myfanwy avoided meeting his eyes as he slipped past them. Instead, she watched as Farrier settled herself in his seat, pushing aside his empty glass so she could fold her hands in front of her on the bar top.

“So, you’re still tracking me,” she accused.

Farrier looked up from her clasped hands. “I didn’t come here to fight, Myfanwy. You’ve been ignoring my calls. I had no choice but to track you down.”

“No?” Myfanwy laughed. “Why are you here? I thought I made it abundantly clear that I have nothing to say to you. What is so important that you had to come all this way to find me? Fuck! After everything I’ve been through these past few weeks, why can’t you just let me have this? Why can’t I just have one night?”

Farrier seemed to think over her next words carefully. “I received a call from Dr. Sinclair earlier this evening. He wanted to invite you to visit Gestalt tomorrow, and he asked if I thought it was a good idea, given your emotional state.”

“Gestalt—” Myfanwy’s voice broke. “Gestalt wants to see me?”

“It would seem so, yes.” Farrier focused on the array of glasses in front of Myfanwy. “Although, given how much you’ve had to drink, perhaps it should wait.”

Myfanwy scowled and stood shakily on her feet. “I’m going.”

“You’re in no condition to drive, Myfanwy. Let me at least take you home.”

“I can manage just fine on my own,” Myfanwy said indignantly. She grabbed her coat and handbag then walked quickly out of the pub.

Downstairs, she collapsed against the side of the building and broke out into a fit of laughter. Passersby gave her curious looks, but she didn’t care. The only person who mattered was Gestalt, and they wanted to see her.

Once Myfanwy collected herself, she hailed down a cab and repeated her address twice as her words began to slur. She relaxed into the backseat and imagined her reunion with Gestalt. She’d apologize for upsetting them when she brought up their family. For failing to bring Nazim to them. She would fix everything. They just needed to give her the chance.

All too soon, the cab pulled up outside of her flat, and she threw a few notes at the driver before stumbling out onto the pavement. The world was spinning, but she managed to walk inside the building and swipe her access card without attracting too much attention from the lone security guard at the front desk. Inside the lift, she leaned her head on the wall and blindly pressed the buttons on the control panel.

It took two extra stops before the doors finally opened on Myfanwy’s floor. She squinted at the numbers on the doors in the hallway until she recognized her own. The door clattered noisily against the inside wall once she let herself in. She made her way to the loo to take a bath, but as soon as she stepped into the room, her stomach rolled, and she dropped to her knees to empty the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

Myfanwy groaned and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Too tired to walk back to the bedroom, she sprawled herself onto the ceramic floor, sighing in relief as the tile cooled her feverish skin. Her eyes drifted closed.

The sound of her alarm blaring woke her in the morning. She blinked blearily up at the ceiling, trying to figure out why she felt like shit. She remembered driving to the pub on South Bank after work and ordering two bourbons before reaching for her coat to leave.  _ Then what happened? _ Sam. He convinced her to stay. And Farrier arrived at some point.  _ Why was Farrier there? _

Gestalt.

Myfanwy was supposed to visit Gestalt.

She sat up quickly, and a wave of nausea hit her hard. She pushed past it to search for her phone, but the alarm wasn’t coming from the loo. After a moment, she rose to her feet and made her way to the kitchen to find her handbag. It was thrown carelessly onto the countertop, and her phone stuck haphazardly out of the side pocket. She checked the time. 9:00 AM.

It wasn’t too late.

Myfanwy made quick work of getting ready. She stood under the hot shower and scrubbed away the previous night’s bad decisions. Then, she dressed in a simple floral dress, no longer needing to hide the faded bruising on her neck. And along with her EVA suppressants, she swallowed two tablets of Ibuprofen to treat her headache.

Satisfied with her appearance, she locked up her flat and made her way down to the car park, only to realize halfway there that she left her car at the pub. She cursed beneath her breath and walked to the front of the building.

After another thirty minutes in the back of a cab, Myfanwy arrived at the pub to collect her car. She slipped easily into the driver’s seat and relished in the feeling of finally being in control. The drive to Glengrove was slowed by traffic, but she still made it there before noon.

The receptionist at the front desk greeted her with a smile. “Dr. Sinclair is expecting you. He’s out on the training field with the patient. Take the door at the end of this hallway, and you’ll find them on the East side of the building.”

Myfanwy looked in the direction the receptionist pointed to and nodded. “Thank you.”

Her heart raced as she walked through the hallway. It was a good sign that Gestalt was let out of their room. The doctors wouldn’t have approved it if they were still a threat to themselves and others.

The door to the East side of the building led to a terrace that overlooked a large, green field. Dr. Sinclair stood at the far end, next to a concrete banister, and stared intently down at something below. He turned, hearing the door click shut behind Myfanwy. “You’re just in time.”

Myfanwy frowned. “In time for what?”

“Compartmentalization exercises,” he stated, matter-of-factly. “Gestalt has been making excellent progress.

She came to a stop next to Dr. Sinclair and looked down at the field. Gestalt was scattered across the area. Teddy ran laps around the track, his sweaty hair sticking to his face. At the center of the field, Eliza balanced on her left leg with her eyes closed and hands held together over her head. In the distance, Alex played basketball on the court with an aide wearing white scrubs. And Robert climbed the nearby rock wall, the muscles in his arms bulging from the exertion.

Myfanwy was lost for words.

Dr. Sinclair’s expression softened. “I apologize for not notifying you sooner. There have been a few relapses, and I didn’t want to get your hopes up unless I was certain we’ve had a breakthrough. My colleagues are also working diligently with Nazim. They’ve had some success testing his EVA on mice, but at this point, the findings are minimal at best. It will take some time to see if memory recovery is even a viable option.”

Myfanwy was barely listening. She watched, captivated, as Gestalt worked. It was almost like they were back to their old selves.

“Would you like to speak with them? They’ve been asking about you.”

As if on cue, Gestalt turned all at once to look up at the terrace. They smiled when they saw her.

“I assure you it’s safe,” Dr. Sinclair continued. “Dr. Clarke and myself will be out here the entire time.”

Myfanwy swallowed thickly. “I’m not afraid.”

She kept her attention on Gestalt as she walked to the staircase that led down to the field. Teddy finished his last lap and met her at the bottom.

His eyes raked over her neck, and his body visibly relaxed. “Hi,” he said shyly.

Myfanwy smiled. “Hi.”

He glanced nervously up at Dr. Sinclair. “Do you want to take a walk with me? They don’t let me have a lot of privacy around here.”

“Of course,” she replied.

Teddy took a small step forward, testing to see if she’d follow. She did. They waited until they were a safe distance from the watchful doctors before saying anything.

“Are you—”

“I’m sorry—”

Myfanwy laughed lightly. “You first.”

Teddy cleared his throat. “I’m really sorry about before. Your last visit. I didn’t mean to scare you. My emotions…it’s hard to explain. Everything is so new, and it’s all amplified by four. I won’t lie. Hearing that I didn’t have any family fucking hurt. But it wasn’t fair for me to take it out on you. And I’m sorry.”

Myfanwy looked up at him, but his eyes were trained on the track. “I’m sorry, too. I should’ve known it would hurt you. This isn’t easy for me, either.”

Teddy frowned. “I thought maybe you hated me. I know I told you to leave and never come back, but I didn’t think you’d actually listen.”

Myfanwy stopped dead in her tracks. “I wanted to come back. Every day. But they wouldn’t tell me anything. After Nazim—”

“Who’s Nazim?” Teddy’s voice had a sharp edge to it.

“They didn’t tell you?” Myfanwy’s brow knitted together.

Teddy shook his head impatiently.

Myfanwy didn’t know if she should be the one to tell Gestalt. She didn’t want to be responsible for another setback. But, she also wanted Gestalt to trust her. She decided it was worth the risk.

“He’s the EVA who wiped your memories. I found him after my last visit, or rather he found me. I thought maybe there was a chance he could return your memories, so I tried to bring him here, but Farrier interfered like she always does, and now they won’t let him see you until he’s learned to control his abilities.”

“Farrier?” Teddy gave her a quizzical look.

“Linda Farrier. Head of the Checquy.”

“The Checquy,” Teddy mused, biting down on his thumbnail. “Secret British intelligence agency. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one. So, you think Nazim might be able to undo this whole mess?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I hope so,” Myfanwy said honestly.

Eliza waited for them at the bottom of the staircase and traded places with Teddy as they walked past. Myfanwy quirked an eyebrow but didn’t say anything.

“Dr. Sinclair’s suggestion,” Eliza explained.

Myfanwy nodded her head, although she didn’t really understand.

“What was it you were going to say earlier? Before I interrupted.”

“Oh.” Myfanwy tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I was just going to ask if you’re doing better.”

“I think so. It’s difficult to say, isn’t it? I don’t know who I was before this, so I don’t really have a reference point. It’s been getting easier every day, though.”

“I’m glad.”

Eliza bit her bottom lip. “I have nightmares sometimes. It’s always the same one. A fire breaks out in this building, and everyone is running toward the exits. A man is screaming in the background, but I can’t see him through the smoke. The heat is so intense I can feel it burning my skin. I don’t leave, though. I’m looking for someone. I think it’s you.”

Myfanwy stopped breathing.

“Is that a memory?” Eliza asked quietly.

Myfanwy was silent for a moment. “There was a fire years ago at Glengrove. You saved my life,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself to keep from shaking.

Eliza looked at her sadly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No. It’s okay.” Myfanwy wiped the corner of her eye. “You should tell Dr. Sinclair. It’s good that you remember something.”

Alex stood with hands in his pockets at the staircase. He stepped smoothly into Eliza’s place, and Myfanwy watched as she ran off to join the aide at the basketball court.

“You said we met at Glengrove as children,” Alex said slowly.

Myfanwy smiled. “Yeah. You had been there years by the time I arrived. There wasn’t anything that went on in Glengrove that you didn’t know about. You were a bit of a troublemaker and didn’t hesitate to turn me into your accomplice.”

“You’re serious?” Alex laughed.

“You used to sneak me out of my room past curfew. We would go to the kitchen and eat all the sweets the staff confiscated from the students. They thought they were being clever by hiding them inside old boxes of pasta in the back of the pantry, but you always knew exactly where to find them.”

“Sounds like a good time.” Alex ran his fingers through his curls. “It’s a shame you don’t live here, too. We could do it all over again.”

Myfanwy’s stomach fluttered.

They fell into a comfortable silence as they walked. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw that Alex kept looking at her. He looked happy, and it made her heart swell.

The next time they passed the staircase, Robert was waiting with an umbrella. He spun it once in his hand then fell into step with Myfanwy as Alex disappeared to the other side of the field. The sky was muted grey, but she didn’t think it was supposed to rain.

“Do you want me to bring you anything?” Myfanwy asked abruptly.

Robert tapped the umbrella on the ground. “What do you mean?”

“Personal items. Do you need anything from your flat? Clothes? Books? I could probably find some pictures if I look hard enough. You’ve always been a bit of a minimalist, but I know you keep a few mementos stored away.”

Robert smirked. “Is that right?”

Myfanwy’s cheeks flamed.

“I’d like to see those pictures.”

“I’ll bring them next time,” she promised. A shiver ran down her spine saying those words. Next time. There would be a next time.

A drop of rain suddenly splashed on her forehead. Robert gazed up at the sky and opened his umbrella as a steady stream of rain began to fall. He stepped closer to Myfanwy, so their arms brushed each other lightly. Myfanwy gasped at the contact.

Robert turned to look down at her, and something flashed across his eyes. It was recognition. He stared at her, stunned.

“Are you okay?” Myfanwy asked worriedly.

His bottom lip trembled. “We’ve done this before. We were standing in the rain like we are right now, and I was holding an umbrella. I remember.”

Myfanwy couldn’t stop the tears from welling up in her eyes. “I remember, too.”

“A few more minutes?”

She shook her head. “What?”

“Sorry,” Robert flinched. “I was speaking to Dr. Sinclair. He wants us to come back inside.”

Myfanwy tried to hide her disappointment. “Okay.”

Robert turned to walk the rest of the way down the path. Before Myfanwy could think twice, she reached up and kissed him on the cheek. His eyes widened in surprise; then, he smiled.

And she had never been happier.


	8. Chapter 8

The rising sun broke incandescently over the skyline. It’s soft rays streamed through the open window and warmed the delicate hairs on the back of her neck. Unable to sleep after spending the previous day with Gestalt, she had driven aimlessly through the dark streets of London until she finally arrived at the office. She told herself she needed to tackle the stack of files that had steadily grown on her desk over the recent weeks, but the truth was that she desperately needed the distraction.

Because she was going to see Gestalt again.

They  _ wanted _ to see her again.

The tip of Myfanwy’s pen froze over the signature line at the bottom of a financial report as she thought about the way they repeatedly asked if she would return. At first, she thought they were trying to change her mind, to convince her that it was a bad idea. But she eventually realized that they were reassuring themselves that she actually wanted to come back and that they weren’t forcing her hand.

A small smile had been permanently etched onto her face ever since.

And so, to distract herself from the hours that separated them, Myfanwy worked tirelessly. She threw herself into data reports and logistical inquiries, and all the while, she felt an overwhelming sense of guilt that her work performance had been so poor since Gestalt’s incident. She knew everyone had granted her a certain degree of leniency, given the circumstances, but her work ethic had always been her sole source of pride. Being a bureaucrat was the only contribution she could offer the Checquy, and she did it with absolute conviction.

Tearing herself away from her thoughts, Myfanwy signed her name on the report just as a soft, tentative knock sounded on her door.

“What are you doing here?” Ingrid asked curiously, her brows drawn together in concern. She remained in the doorway, as if undecided whether her presence was welcome or not.

Myfanwy pulled open her bottom desk drawer to file the completed document. “I’m working. What does it look like?”

The corner of Ingrid’s mouth ticked up. “Yeah, I can see that. But why are you working so early? We both know you’re not a morning person,” she teased. There was a long pause, then her eyes widened in alarm. “Wait, is Gestalt okay? Did something happen?”

“What? No!” Myfanwy rushed, realizing where her mind had gone. She shook her head forcefully. “No they’re fine…better than fine actually.”

Ingrid looked at her excitedly. “Tell me!”

Myfanwy pulled her lower lip between her teeth as she tried to think if she should say anything. She glanced out the glass walls of her office to the empty floor and decided Ingrid could be trusted to keep a secret. “They had a flash of memory,” she admitted.

Ingrid moved further into the room, stopping at the edge of her desk. “Myfanwy, that’s amazing!”

Myfanwy let out a shuddering breath. “I know. It wasn’t anything really important, but it’s a start. It could be the first step to getting all their memories back.”

“What are you even doing here?” Ingrid demanded. “You should be with them at New Glengrove. If anyone can help their memories return, it’s you.”

Myfanwy leaned further back into her chair. “I’m meeting them later today. I just needed to get some work done first. I don’t need Farrier using my lack of productivity as an excuse to keep me from seeing them.”

“Nonsense,” Ingrid said, pulling the stack of files from the corner of her desk and placing them on her lap. “You need to be with Gestalt. Let me handle the reports.”

Myfanwy reached out to take the folders from her. “No, Ingrid, I can’t ask you to do that.”

Ingrid rolled her chair backwards toward the door. “You’re not asking me to do anything. I’m the one telling you to go. This isn’t where you belong right now.”

She hesitated a moment, then smiled. “Thank you, Ingrid.”

“Go already,” Ingrid laughed. “Before I change my mind.”

Myfanwy grabbed her coat and bag on her way out the door, casting one last look behind her. “I’ll be back after lunch.”

She hurried out of the office, bypassing a few bleary-eyed personnel carrying their morning cups of coffee. With the extra time, she would be able to stop by Gestalt’s flat and look for the pictures she promised to bring them. The day was already looking up.

After a short drive, she pulled up in front of their building. Myfanwy recalled the last time she had been there, and although she still felt a dull ache in her chest knowing Gestalt wouldn’t be up there waiting for her, she was also filled with a sense of purpose. This time she had hope that everything would be okay.

Inside the lobby, she nodded curtly at the security guard at the front desk and took the lift up to the top floor. Then, she typed the familiar code as she let herself into their flat, turning on the closest light switch to illuminate the dark entryway.

All there was to greet her was the deafening silence. It was strange to see their home so devoid of life. A part of her still expected to hear the sounds of pots and pans clanging as Teddy cooked in the kitchen, or the local news blaring from Eliza’s tablet as she sat at the dining table.

Myfanwy pushed aside those thoughts and instead tried to focus on the task at hand. She needed to think like Gestalt.

_ Where would they keep personal photographs? _

Gestalt wouldn’t leave them out in the open. They took their job far too seriously to risk identifiable information falling into the wrong hands if someone ever broke in. She decided to start by looking in their safe room. It was the most secure room, so she figured it would be the likeliest of hiding places.

Myfanwy walked further into the flat until she stood in front of the door around the corner from their coat rack. She pulled it open to reveal a secondary door with a glowing keypad. Without hesitation, she typed in the same code that let her into the flat.

The screen flashed red, and an error message appeared. It wasn’t the right passcode.

She tried their birthday. Incorrect.

Their Rook ID number. Incorrect.

The date they started working for the Checquy. Incorrect.

Myfanwy ran through every number of significance to Gestalt, but they were all wrong. She even tried the date of the Glengrove fire—the day they finally gained their freedom. Incorrect.

Out of desperation, she tried her own birthday. Her Rook ID number. Every number that meant something to her, and they were all wrong, too. Then, she had an idea. She didn’t think it would actually work, but she was out of options. She typed in the number and waited for the rejection.

But with an audible click, the lock disengaged and the door automatically opened.

16-08-06

It was the day she arrived at Glengrove. The day she first met Gestalt.

Myfanwy’s heart pounded in her chest at the possible implications.

Before she could dwell on it too long, she stepped into the safe room to begin her search. The room was as bare as hers back home. White walls and tiled floor, all that was inside was a metal table with four laptops arranged neatly in front of four matching chairs, and a single cabinet nested in the corner of the room. She was disappointed to discover there were only weapons inside.

She checked the floor and walls for hidden compartments—anything that would otherwise be overlooked—but she still came up empty-handed. The pictures were somewhere else.

Myfanwy rolled up the sleeves of her blouse as she stalked out of the room and toward the small office space next to the kitchen. She shuffled through all the desk drawers, examined all the bookshelves, and opened all the cabinets below the windows. Still nothing.

Room by room, she searched the entire flat until all that remained was the bedroom. And finally, hidden in a small hollowed-out section of their bed frame, she found an unmarked box. Myfanwy’s hands trembled slightly as she sat on top of the bed and balanced it carefully on her lap. Then, she removed the lid.

At the very top, she found the bracelet she had worn at the Founder’s Feast. She swiped her thumb across one of the blue stones. Gestalt must have found it in-between the sheets after their weekend together. She hadn’t even realized it was missing.

Myfanwy undid the clasp to put it on her left wrist, then reached back into the box to pull out several letters written on notebook paper. Objectively, she knew it wasn’t her place to read them, but she couldn’t resist knowing what they said. The fact that Gestalt kept them hidden beneath their bed, someplace so close to them, she knew that they must be important.

She opened the first one.

_ Dear You, _

_ I’ve been relegated to washing dishes after dinner because I was caught out of my room after curfew. Although it’s entirely your fault, I spared your name and told them I was alone. You owe me. _

_ Myfanwy _

She opened the second one.

_ Dear You, _

_ I had a dream about Bronwyn last night. She was staring at me with tears in her eyes and demanded to know why I left. I know it was only a dream, and it wasn’t real, but in a way, it is, isn’t it? I never even had the chance to say goodbye. I don’t know how to make this pain go away. How do I go on living like this? _

_ Myfanwy _

And the third one.

_ Dear You, _

_ I’m sorry about what I said. I know you’re worried about my safety, but Bristol is helping me in ways you can’t even begin to understand. For so long, I’ve felt like I don’t really belong anywhere—not at home with my family and not here with the other EVAs. I can’t control my power, and that makes me a threat to everyone, including you. Bristol is helping me take back that control, and I’m beginning to feel like myself again. Please don’t be angry. You will always be my best friend. _

_ Myfanwy _

On and on, she read those little snippets of her life back at Glengrove. She didn’t remember writing any of them, and even more frustrating was the fact she didn’t know Gestalt’s response. If they’d written her back, the letters had either been tossed in the bin or were lost in the fire. She didn’t know which was worse.

Myfanwy sat the letters next to her on the bed and looked further in the box. The white backs of photographs greeted her next. She turned them over one-by-one in her hands. There were pictures of Gestalt as children, standing on the staircase outside of Glengrove. Pictures of them completing various solo training exercises. Pictures of them at the ceremony for their appointment to Rook.

There were even pictures of  _ her _ .

Pictures of them on Halloween, Eliza dressed up as a devil and Myfanwy an angel. Pictures of them during field-training expeditions. Pictures of them standing in front of the decorative backdrops at past Founder’s Feasts.

Myfanwy never realized how they had looked at her back then. Even as she smiled at the camera, their eyes remained on her.

She was about to close the lid to the box when a manilla envelope at the bottom caught her attention. Her curiosity won out again, and Myfanwy reached inside to take out the sheets of paper.

**Personnel File: Dr. Andrew G. Bristol**

Her blood immediately ran ice cold.

There was no reason for Gestalt to be in possession of that file. It required special permissions to take it out of the Archives, and even then, they never would have been allowed to keep it.

The paper nearly ripped between her rigid fingers as Myfanwy read the documents. It was Bristol’s account of events, starting from his first interaction with Myfanwy as her therapist. It described his unconventional teaching methods, their sexual relationship, the fight that preceded the fire at Glengrove. It also included the Checquy’s contract with him to cease all contact with her, otherwise face additional charges.

There was personal information on him as well: current address, phone number, car registration, and candid photographs of him outside his place of work, The Glass Cage of Brighton.

Myfanwy felt like she couldn’t breathe.

The Checquy wouldn’t have ordered that kind of surveillance. Gestalt did that all on their own. They had been keeping tabs on him all those years to make sure he abided by the agreement. Or, perhaps they were hoping he’d break it and face the additional charges.

Myfanwy wanted to be angry.

She wanted to be furious at them for not leaving the past in the past. But the more she thought about it, the more she felt almost relieved. They had been silently protecting her all the time. Keeping her safe from the person she feared most in the world.

Myfanwy buried her head in her hands and sighed.

After a few minutes, she checked the time on her phone. It was almost a quarter past ten, and there was still time to stop by Gestalt’s favorite shops to pick up lunch.

Myfanwy quickly put the documents back in the box and returned it beneath the bed. After smoothing the wrinkled bedding, she walked back to the kitchen and placed the photos in the inside pocket of her handbag. And as she made her way to the door, she promised herself it would be the last time she’d be in Gestalt’s flat without them beside her.

It was a twenty-minute drive to the bakery that sold the chocolate meringues Gestalt loved so much. Then, she went to the Chinese restaurant across the city. Myfanwy ordered a variety of food, deciding to give Gestalt options to choose from. She didn’t think the memory loss would have changed their predilections, but she still wanted to give them the chance to try new things. Finally, she made one last stop at a corner shop and purchased bottles of water to drink.

With her backseat filled with takeaway cartons, she set course for Glengrove.

Myfanwy lowered the window to feel the breeze on her skin as she drove. She tucked the strands of hair blowing in her face behind her ears and felt a sense of peace settle over her. It felt so normal to meet Gestalt for lunch. For a brief moment, she could forget everything else and pretend it was any other day.

A couple of hours later, she parked in front of Glengrove and followed the receptionist’s directions to the veranda, where Gestalt would meet her as soon as they finished their morning training session. There were several tables spread out across the area, and she chose the center-most-one to sit. While Myfanwy waited for Gestalt to arrive, she organized the food around the table.

Once she finished, the door finally opened, and Gestalt filed out. A young female doctor she didn’t recognize followed close behind. She stopped a few meters back from the table but kept her attention on them.

“You came,” Eliza smiled.

Myfanwy felt butterflies in her stomach. “I said I would.”

Alex rocked back on his feet as if he suddenly felt nervous. “I was afraid you might have changed your mind.”

She didn’t know how to respond to that without scaring them off. There was never a chance she wouldn’t show up. No matter how much it pained her to be forgotten, she wouldn’t give up on them. She would endure it day after day until they found their way back to her.

Gestalt’s eyes wandered down to the food spread. “What’s this?”

Myfanwy cleared her throat. “I thought you might like a break from dining hall food. If it’s anything like the food back at the old Glengrove, it leaves everything to be desired.”

Gestalt studied the seats around the table, seemingly trying to work out which body should sit where. Eventually, they sat Teddy across from her, Eliza and Alex on either side, and Robert next to her.

Teddy reached out to open the container of Szechuan duck, and his eyes instantly widened. “This smells fucking amazing.”

Myfanwy smiled as she took a swig of water. Some things hadn’t changed after all. “What training exercises were you doing this morning?”

Robert wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Puzzles. Dr. Sinclair wanted to test my cognitive function.”

“This is really good,” Eliza groaned around a bite of barbecue beef.

Myfanwy beamed at them happily. “Oh, I found those pictures. It took quite a bit of searching, but I found them underneath your bed.”

She pulled the photographs out of her bag and placed them in a stack at the center of the table.

Alex picked up the first one. “Is that Glengrove in the background?”

Myfanwy didn’t need to look at the picture to know which one he was talking about. She could still see their youthful faces staring sadly at the camera as they stood outside their old home. “Yeah. Does it look familiar to you?”

“No. The architecture is similar to New Glengrove, though,” Robert picked up another one. “Who’s this man?”

Myfanwy looked at the man in question. “Conrad Grantchester.”

Eliza coughed on a piece of beef. “I’m going to need an explanation for this one.”

She was holding the Halloween picture. Myfanwy explained that Glengrove threw a party of sorts each year, and that year they had decided to coordinate costumes.

Eliza studied the picture closely, and her cheeks tinged a light shade of pink.

“Is something wrong?”

Gestalt shook their heads. “Not at all.”

They went through the pictures one-by-one, and it slowly became clear that they weren’t going to have any more flashes of memory. Myfanwy tried her best not to let her disappointment show, though she suspected Gestalt felt equally discouraged.

After they finished eating, Myfanwy began tidying up the tabletop when she noticed Teddy’s eyes kept flickering to the white cardboard box at her feet.

“What is that?” he finally asked.

Myfanwy grinned as she lifted the box to the table. “Meringues. Chocolate whipped cream, coated with shavings of dark chocolate.”

Gestalt’s expression lit up, and they eagerly reached in to take one. She watched mesmerized as they bit into the treat and rediscovered a small part of themselves that they had lost.

Alex’s eyes fluttered closed. “These are incredible.”

“They should be,” Myfanwy laughed, enjoying the show. “They’re your favorite.”

Gestalt froze all at once.

“And the Chinese?” Robert frowned.

“Is that my favorite, too?”

Myfanwy suddenly felt very naive. “I thought it was worth a try.”

Eliza smiled at her sadly. “I’m sorry, Myfanwy. I just don’t remember.”

“It’s not your fault,” Myfanwy assured.

The doctor quietly approached their table. “Gestalt, you have ten minutes. Dr. Sinclair wants you back in the lab for your afternoon session.

Gestalt nodded grimly. They waited until the doctor returned to her station by the door before looking at Myfanwy. “Sorry. I wish I could stay longer.”

Teddy reached across the table to brush his thumb across the top of her hand. “Will you come back?”

Myfanwy had to stifle a gasp as he touched her. “Of course. Nothing could keep me away.”

They helped clean up from their lunch, wiping the table down with extra napkins and tossing the empty cartons into a bin on the other side of the veranda. Then, they walked Myfanwy to the door, and Gestalt offered her the box of remaining meringues.

She shook her head. “Those are for you.”

Gestalt sighed. “See you soon?”

“I promise.”

The doctor ushered them back into the building, and Myfanwy watched as they followed her down the opposite corridor. Before they turned the corner out of her sight, they looked back and waved.

Once they were gone, Myfanwy retreated to her car. With each passing step, she felt a little bit lighter. Gestalt may not remember her, but they were trying. They wanted to remember what they had. And that meant everything.

The drive to London was the happiest she’d been in a long time. It felt like she was making real progress with Gestalt. It felt like everything would be okay.

At least, that’s what she thought until she stopped at the red light.

It was like time moved in slow motion.

She drummed her fingers on her legs as she waited for the light to turn green. But before it could, her car was struck from behind, sending her head flying forward to bash against the steering wheel. It happened so suddenly, she bit down on her tongue, and blood instantly pooled in her mouth.

The glass from her windscreen cracked and splintered like a spider’s web before shattering completely. The tiny shards rained down, pinging on the dashboard and cutting through her skin.

Through the ringing in her ears, she could hear the sick sound of metal grinding against the pavement as the car rolled over and over again.

And then everything went dark.   
  



	9. Chapter 9

A soft rain tapped against the nearby window. Slowly at first, a single drop that landed in the top corner of the dust-coated pane, and trailed lazily down to the windowsill. Then with a calm steadiness that would usually make her want to crawl back into the warmth of her bed with a steaming cup of tea in one hand and a good book in the other.

But it sounded wrong, somehow.

It didn’t inspire a sense of comfort or tranquility. It didn’t lull her into a peaceful sleep. It didn’t make her reflect on simpler times. Rather, it invoked a feeling of immense fear. The kind of fear that stole the breath from her lungs and sent a violent shiver down her spine. It electrified every nerve in her body until she was teetering on the edge of fight or flight.

She felt as though she were standing on a cliff, overlooking the ocean waves crashing against the jagged rocks at the base. If she took a step forward, her body would either splash into the frigid water or become impaled by a stone. But the only other option was to stay on top of the cliff and never know the truth that laid below. After a moment, she stretched her arms out at her sides, and then let herself fall.

As she spiraled downward, she realized the  _ tap-tap-tap _ didn’t sound like rain at all. It sounded like the pinging of glass onto her dashboard.

Then, she hit the water with a smack, and a surge of memories swept over her. It all came back instantaneously: the drive to London after visiting Gestalt for lunch, the seemingly endless wait for the traffic light to turn green, and the sudden crash as someone struck her from behind. The last thing she remembered before blacking out was the metallic taste of blood in her mouth as she screamed.

_ Did that mean she was dead? _

No. She didn’t think so. Although she couldn’t see anything, there was a stiff achiness all over her body, so she couldn’t possibly be dead. If she were dead, it wouldn’t hurt anymore. Unless, of course, she was in hell. After all the lives she’d taken at Glengrove, it would have been a well-deserved punishment. But she was still alive.

_ Where was she, though? _

Beneath the pads of her fingers, she felt what she thought to be a fitted bed sheet. It was of lesser quality than her own linens, so she wasn’t at home. The smell was different, too. Instead of the remnants of her rose oil perfume, it reeked of antiseptics and sweat.

With the little strength she possessed, she tried to open her eyes. It took several minutes for them to finally flutter open, her eyelids heavy with fatigue, and then she came face-to-face with her reality. She was in the infirmary.

Only a dim light bulb mounted above her bed illuminated the small room. With the storm raging outside, she took in the sight of herself. Her lower half was covered by a thin blanket, but the conspicuous bulk on her left leg could only be a cast. A broken bone, then? Not too bad, all things considered.

Next, she examined her hands and arms, which were severely lacerated. Some cuts were small and faded, while others looked much deeper and would undoubtedly leave behind scars. As she studied the injuries, something scratched against her head, and she tentatively raised her hand to touch it. And there, placed over her forehead, was a thick bandage.

Panic started to well up in her chest. The trauma she suffered suddenly seemed so much worse than she initially thought, and she scrambled for the nurse call system at the side of her bed. She pressed the button repeatedly until a team of medical staff burst into the room. There was a flurry of activity as they checked her vitals and asked her a series of questions that didn’t quite make sense.

_ Do you know your name? _

_ Do you know where you are? _

_ Do you know who you work for? _

The experience left her feeling disconnected from her body. For several hours, the doctors insisted on running a battery of tests that she didn’t understand. Specialists were brought in later to evaluate the results and assess whether various types of therapy were necessary. And all the while, they ignored the questions she asked of them. The most immediate question on her mind was Gestalt, but they pretended as if she hadn’t even spoken.

It wasn’t until Farrier arrived that she began to feel like herself again. As soon as she heard the door open, she recoiled at the thought of having to endure another round of tests and then relaxed, seeing the familiar face.

Farrier looked at her with something akin to relief and lowered herself into the bedside chair. “It’s so good to see you awake, Myfanwy. How do you feel?”

Myfanwy shook her head. “Pissed. No one will tell me about what happened. I assume that’s your doing?”

“I didn’t tell them to do anything. The doctors were only following protocol. After a head trauma—” Farrier tried to explain.

“Tell me the truth! One second I’m driving back to London, and the next I’m here,” Myfanwy gestured to her surroundings. “How do you explain that?”

Farrier sighed. “It was Vultures. CCTV footage showed them following you for nearly five miles before they hit your car. It’s unlikely that they would risk killing a serving member of the Checquy—especially one as powerful as yourself—so the only obvious explanation is that they intended to take you. The crash didn’t appear to be intentional, which leads us to believe something went wrong internally. It wasn’t part of their plan.”

Myfanwy frowned. “Vultures? They’ve never come after any of us before. Why now?”

Farrier started to answer her question, and then she realized there was only one reason why the Lugat would target her. “Nazim. They must know that he and I met on the Millennium Bridge. They want their EVA back.”

Farrier nodded solemnly. “We’ve been following up on some leads, but it’s taking a while. The Vultures who hit you took off after your car rolled. In all the commotion, no one was able to get any identifiable information on them.”

Myfanwy buried her head in her hands. “Was anyone else hurt?”

“No,” Farrier assured. “There was some minor damage to a vehicle crossing at the intersection, but no one was injured.”

The relief that coursed through her was nearly palpable. She didn’t think she would be able to forgive herself if she had taken anyone else’s life. But something Farrier had said stuck out, and she slowly lowered her hands to her lap. “Wait, you said it’s taking a while to get a location on the Vultures. How long have I been unconscious?”

Farrier averted her eyes to look out the window.

The question hung in the air unanswered. Eventually, she couldn’t stand the silence any longer. “Linda?” she asked worriedly.

“Three weeks.”

It was as though all the blood evaporated from her body. There was a tingling sensation spreading over her skin, but all she felt was numb. “Three weeks?”

“The doctors have assured me that in the case of head injuries, it’s completely normal for—” Farrier rushed.

Breathing heavily, Myfanwy ripped the cannula out of her arm. She hissed slightly, then pushed herself out of the bed. Her range of motion was somewhat restricted by the cast, though she didn’t stop to think twice about it. “Three weeks! I need to see Gestalt! What have you told them? Do they know what happened? Fuck! Where are my clothes?”

“Myfanwy! Stop!” Farrier shot up from her chair and held her hands out as if to block Myfanwy’s path. “Gestalt is perfectly fine. You’re the one you should be worried about right now.”

At the admission, some of the adrenaline waned from her body. She looked at Farrier for a long moment. “They’re really okay?”

Farrier nodded. “Of course.”

Sighing, she leaned back against the bed. All that mattered was that Gestalt was safe. As long as they were still making progress, she could handle everything else. Myfanwy was quiet for a while as she considered what it was she wanted. What would make the situation any better? “When can I go home?”

Farrier gave her a reproachful look. “You’ve only just woken up. Give it a few days. Let the doctors run their tests. Once they’ve given you the all-clear, I’ll have an agent escort you back to your flat.”

Myfanwy knew by her expression that there was no use fighting.

Reluctantly, she agreed.

And three days later, Farrier kept her promise. After being released by her doctors, she stepped outside of the building to the blinding afternoon sun. The agent tasked with driving her home glanced nervously at her every few seconds as if he was afraid she’d collapse onto the pavement.

During the drive, she rested her head on the window and watched for all the happy couples holding hands. Bitter jealousy settled in the pit of her stomach. It felt like the life she was meant to be living had been ripped away from her over and over again.

By the time they arrived at her flat, her mood had soured considerably. The agent opened the passenger door and held out his hand to help her out, but she brushed away the offer. She pulled her newly acquired crutches from the back and used them to balance as she stood from the car. However, she only managed to make it a few steps toward the lobby before the agent’s voice called out to her. “I’ll be parked right outside, Rook Thomas. You have nothing to worry about.”

Myfanwy stopped mid-step, then turned to look at him. “What do you mean? What don’t I have to worry about?”

“The Lugat.” He phrased it more as a question than a statement. “Farrier instructed me to watch the building for Vultures. I have a live feed of CCTV footage on my tablet, and anyone who enters or exits will be cross-referenced with facial recognition software. As long as you stay inside, you’ll be safe.”

Although she was frustrated that Farrier hadn’t notified her of the plan, she forced herself to nod dutifully. It would have to wait until later.

Turning back to the building, Myfanwy let herself inside after a brief struggle with the door. Then, she made her way across the lobby to the lift. As she lifted her finger to press the button, the doors opened with a ding, and a man with dark features stepped out. He gave Myfanwy a curious look as he passed her, though he didn’t say anything. She watched him leave, all the while thinking he looked strangely familiar. Suddenly, the lift doors began to close, drawing her attention away from him. Shaking her head, she let herself in and pressed the button to her floor.

Upstairs, she let herself into her flat. After being gone for three weeks, it was like seeing it for the first time. She walked through the small space until she arrived at the loo. Flipping on the light switch, she studied her appearance in the mirror. The bruising on her head where she had bashed into the steering wheel was still a dark bluish, purple. It took up a large portion of her forehead and had nearly given her a heart attack the first time she’d seen it. But even after a few days, she could tell that it had slightly healed.

With a heavy sigh, she stripped off the borrowed clothes from the infirmary and turned on the shower. She intended for it to be short, but her tired body melted under the hot spray, and she quickly lost track of time. Stepping out thirty minutes later, she wrapped herself in a towel and carefully made her way to her closet.

It was oddly comforting to see her clothes again. She ran her fingers down the soft materials, relieved that she could wear something other than the hospital gown or the oversized sweatpants given to her by one of the nurses.

After throwing on a mid-length sundress, she grabbed her pills from the medicine cabinet and took them with a glass of water. From the pocket of her sweatpants, she pulled out her phone saved from the wreckage of her car and dialed Dr. Sinclair’s number.

While she waited for him to answer, she rummaged through her fridge, looking for anything that hadn’t spoiled in her absence. Biting her bottom lip, she turned to her cupboards and found some crisps that hadn’t yet expired. It wasn’t exactly what she wanted, but it would have to do. With the phone pressed to her ear, she frowned as it kept ringing, then canceled the call.

Finishing the last few crisps, she threw the empty bag into the bin and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She checked the time on her phone and grabbed her keys off the countertop. If she left right then, she’d be able to see Gestalt before dinner.

She smoothed down a couple wrinkles in her dress before turning to let herself out of her flat. But instead of walking into the hallway, she collided with a solid mass of a body. She gasped in surprise and looked up to see an agent posted outside her door.

The man turned and met her gaze. “You’re not to leave your flat, Rook Thomas.”

Myfanwy adjusted the crutches under her arms and glared at the man. “By whose orders? Farrier’s? Why the fuck doesn’t she ever tell me anything?”

The agent made a gruff noise in the back of his throat. “Perhaps she was trying to avoid this exact exchange.”

“I just need to see—” Myfanwy tried to sidestep the man, but he refused to move out of her way.

“For your own safety, I can’t let you leave. I’m going to have to ask you to return to your flat.”

Indignation bubbled up in her chest, and she looked down at her phone to find Farrier’s number. Turning back to her flat, she slammed the door shut behind her and brought her phone to her ear. It continued to ring without an answer. Fuck.

Myfanwy tossed the phone back on the countertop, then slowly made her way over to her sofa. She rested her crutches against one of the arms and lowered herself to sit. Wincing slightly in pain, she elevated her injured leg on the coffee table and looked outside the window at the hues of blue stretching across the sky.

She tried to even her breathing as the panic began to set in. The Checquy couldn’t keep her locked in her flat indefinitely. Eventually, they would capture the Vultures who had targeted her, or they would realize the impracticality of assigning government assets to watch her all hours of the day. It was only temporary.

She repeated those four words to herself until she started to believe them. And with that thought, she fell into a restless sleep.

The sound of knocking on her door woke her in the morning. Myfanwy reached out for her crutches and hobbled to her feet. As she walked across the flat, the knocking persisted and grew even louder. She threw open the door at last to reveal the same agent she’d confronted the night before. There were bags of groceries in his hands, and he held them out to her expectantly.

Myfanwy frowned. “What’s this?”

The agent huffed. “Sustenance. You can thank Farrier.”

She chewed on the inside of her cheek, realizing that she wouldn’t be able to use the shops as an excuse to leave. Finally, she nodded in the direction of the kitchen. “You can leave them on the counter.”

The agent quirked an eyebrow. “Do I look like your personal assistant?”

“Do I look like I’m in any condition to carry those myself?” Myfanwy countered.

The agent gave her a once over, then gritted his teeth. He noisily stepped into her flat, hitting one of the bags against her door frame. Wordlessly, he brought the groceries to her kitchen, then left without any offer to help put them away.

Myfanwy stood stiffly and waited for the door to close behind him before rifling curiously through the contents. All the basics were inside: fresh produce, pasta, milk, eggs, bread, and coffee beans. It was enough food to last her at least a few days, and that worried her the most.

She busied herself by putting away the items on to their respective shelves. Once she finished, she returned to her door to look out of the peephole. Unfortunately, the agent was still posted outside.

Myfanwy sighed and grabbed her phone to call Dr. Sinclair again. She let it ring until the automated voicemail greeted her, and then she tried Farrier with the same result.

With nothing else to occupy her mind, she turned on the telly to watch some mindless medical drama. She only made it as far as the two leading doctors professing their love for each other before changing the channel. Up next was some baking show, which seemed harmless enough until the host pulled out a tray of meringues from the oven. She changed the channel again and settled for an American action movie about bank robbers. It was entertaining enough until the masked villains collided with a fire hydrant, and their car rolled into the side of a building.

She turned off the telly.

The day passed in never-ending idleness. Myfanwy searched for ways to keep herself busy from reorganizing her music collection by year of release, to scrubbing the floor of her loo by hand, to refolding all of the items in her wardrobe. All the while, she kept her phone within reach in case either Dr. Sinclair or Farrier finally returned her messages. But it never rang.

And so, she repeated it all the next day. And then the next. Over and over until time began to lose all meaning. Her life became one endless loop of waiting. She waited for the news that her life was no longer in danger. She waited for the agents to be reassigned so she could return to work. She waited for the day that she could see Gestalt.

But then she decided that she’d waited long enough.

No matter the day, there was always an agent standing outside her door. She figured all she needed to do was draw his attention elsewhere for a few minutes so she could get away. It seemed like an impossible feat all on her own. She racked her mind, trying to think of a way to buy herself some time.

Picking up her phone, she scrolled her contacts for the number to Ingrid’s office. It rang once, twice, three times, and then her voice replaced the dial tone. “Myfanwy?”

She sighed in relief. “Ingrid, I need your help.”

“God, Myfanwy! Are you okay? Everyone in the office has been talking—”

“Ingrid, please, I need you to listen to me. I’m fine. Farrier has been keeping me under lock and key since the accident, but I need to get out of this fucking flat,” Myfanwy took a steadying breath. “I’ve been away from Gestalt for too long. I have to see them.”

The line went silent for a moment. “What do you need me to do?”

“Thank you, Ingrid,” Myfanwy smiled into her phone. “There’s an agent that stands outside my door all day, and another that’s parked outside my building. I just need them to leave for a couple of minutes, so I can get past them. Is there any way for you to make that happen?”

There was the tell-tale clicking of a keyboard on the other end, and Ingrid hummed into her phone. “It looks like there is a rotation of agents that have been assigned as your security detail. There are shift changes at 02:00, 12:00, and 20:00. If you can wait until tonight, I might be able to make something happen at 20:00.”

Myfanwy’s heart raced in her chest. “What are you going to do?”

“Let me worry about the details,” Ingrid said lowly. Voices murmured in the background, and she cleared her throat into the receiver. “Give me a couple of hours, and I’ll text you, yeah?”

“Of course. I can’t thank you enough, Ingrid,” Myfanwy sighed.

Ingrid laughed lightly. “I’m really glad you’re okay. It hasn’t been the same without you. I’ll talk to you soon.”

Myfanwy carried those words with her for the rest of the day. She hadn’t stopped to consider what her absence meant to anyone other than Gestalt. It was a shameful revelation.

As the hours ticked by, she multitasked between staring at her phone and readying herself to see Gestalt. She wanted to cover the bruise on her forehead with makeup but didn’t want to risk infecting the cut that hadn’t yet healed. Instead, she curled her hair and hoped it was enough to cover the worst of it. She slipped on a navy blue dress that matched the only flats she owned and then spritzed a bit of perfume on her wrists and neck.

Finally, ten minutes before the last shift change of the night, her phone beeped with a new message. Myfanwy snatched the device off her bed to read it.

**You have five minutes.**

**No agents at your door, but take back entrance of the building.**

**Good luck.**

Myfanwy tucked the phone into her pocket then threw her entire weight into her strides to the door. She stopped for a second to peer out of the peephole, and for the first time, the hallway was clear. Slowly, she let herself out of her flat and closed the door soundlessly behind her.

She tapped her fingers on her crutches as she waited for the lift to arrive on her floor. When the doors opened, she jumped inside and hit the button to the lobby, holding her breath until they closed again. The numbers counted down on the control panel, and she hoped with every fiber of her being that there wouldn’t be an agent waiting for her at the bottom.

Once the lift stopped, she turned sharply to the left in the opposite direction of the main doors. She moved as quickly as she was able to the back of the building, letting herself out into the night air. Checking the time on her phone, she let out an audible exhale. Her five minutes were up.

Not wanting to waste any more time, she walked to the closest street and waved down a cab. One stopped almost immediately, and she let herself in. She gave the address to New Glengrove and searched for any sign of the agents. They pulled away a few seconds later, and she relaxed into her seat.

The drive out of the city was spent largely checking her phone for messages from Farrier. A part of her welcomed the opportunity to tell her how fucking infuriating it was to be imprisoned in her flat, and another part of her worried what repercussions she would face for getting out. Not for herself, though. She didn’t want Ingrid or Gestalt to pay for her actions.

But then, the car pulled up to the gate, and her worries ceased to exist. She flashed her ID at the security guard on duty and smiled when he accepted it without issue. Farrier hadn’t thought to revoke her clearance.

The driver took her up to the main building and let her out. She heard the man call out something at her, but she didn’t want to stop and ask him to repeat himself. At the top of the stairs, she braced all her weight on her left crutch and used the right crutch to prop open the door.

For once, there wasn’t a receptionist at the desk, and she didn’t wait to see if one would appear. She made her way to the side door, then followed the familiar path to the lift. Before she could even consider how she would get it to operate it without proper identification, Dr. Sinclair’s voice sounded at the other end of the corridor.

“Myfanwy! What are you doing here? You shouldn’t—”

She pushed herself to stand at her full height to face him. “I’m here to see Gestalt. I know it’s late, but—”

“I’m sorry, Myfanwy,” Dr. Sinclair said regretfully. “I really am. But I can’t let you see Gestalt. These last few weeks have been incredibly difficult for them, and there’s no telling what—”

“What do you mean? Farrier said that they were fine,” Myfanwy argued.

Dr. Sinclair pushed his glasses further up his nose. It was the first time she had seen him wear them. A lot of things had changed since she’d been gone.

“It’s not my place to question Farrier’s authority. I don’t involve myself in matters of the Checquy. My job is to treat the patients of New Glengrove. And I can tell you, with complete and utter confidence, that Gestalt is most definitely not fine. They’ve almost completely regressed, and I’m not sure that I can help them.”

There was a humming in her ears, and Dr. Sinclair’s voice sounded far away. Farrier had lied to her. Again. Gestalt had been suffering all that time, and no one even told her. All the time she wasted watching the telly and folding her clothes, she could have spent helping them. 

Without thinking, she pressed the button to the lift, and the doors immediately opened. She stepped inside and waited for Dr. Sinclair to swipe his card.

He shook his head. “Do you understand what I’m telling you? This isn’t—”

“For fucks sake!” Myfanwy cried. “Will you just take me to Gestalt? None of this would have happened if any one of you had told me the truth. The only way I can fix this fucking mess is if you let me see them.”

She didn’t know if her words had convinced him, or if he was simply too tired to argue, but Dr. Sinclair entered the lift and scanned his ID. A moment later, they were rising to Gestalt’s floor, and Myfanwy stared nervously at the ground. On the fourth level, she took a deep breath before stepping out of the lift and turning in the direction of their room. The doctor followed close behind, though he made no further attempt to dissuade her.

Outside their door, a security guard stood at attention. He looked at Myfanwy skeptically, but with a subtle nod of Dr. Sinclair’s head, he stepped aside and swiped his own card at the panel. There was a click as the lock disengaged, and then silence. Before they had time to change their minds, Myfanwy strode fearlessly into the room.

But she wasn’t prepared for what she found inside.

The padded panels along the walls had been shredded. Deep grooves in the shape of fingers damaged the material beyond repair. The mattresses had been flipped onto the floor, and the bedding strewn about the room. All the personal items she had brought laid broken and torn at her feet, including one of the pictures she’d given them during her last visit. Although she wasn’t able to reach down and pick it up, she could see it was one from the Founder’s Feast. There was only a small tear in the top right corner; otherwise, the image of her and Gestalt smiling was left unblemished.

Myfanwy looked up from the picture, and her breath caught in her throat at the sight of Gestalt kneeling in the far corner. She had never seen them so ragged in all the years she’d known them. Their eyes were sunken in with dark circles underneath. Their bones jutted out as if they hadn’t eaten in weeks. And their expressions were completely devoid of life. They looked hollow and empty.

She couldn’t contain her cry of despair, and Gestalt’s eyes snapped to her as though they only just realized she was there. They stared at her unseeingly for a long moment, and then their expressions became enraged. Myfanwy watched as they pushed themselves to their feet, then made their way across the room toward her.

Their fists were balled at their sides, and their lips were twisted in an almost snarl. She had a brief flashback to the infirmary when Teddy had wrapped her hands around her throat, and she braced herself for them to do it again. She could see the hatred burning behind the blues and greens of their eyes, and she knew they were rightfully hurt that she’d broken her promise.

But before she could think to call for help, or to beg them not to hurt her, they did the unexpected.

They crushed her to their chests and cried.


	10. Chapter 10

It was like a long winter coming to an end. The warmth of their embrace thawed something inside of her that had grown cold and desolate in their absence. Icy shards that had formed a protective and impenetrable layer around her heart began to chip away, and its slow, rhythmic beating circulated the frozen blood in her veins, bringing her to life once more.

An involuntary shiver ran down her spine at the feel of their hot, sticky breath fanning across her cheeks, and their hands pressing into her lower back. For too long, she thought that she’d never be held in their arms again. There were nights she’d lay alone in her bed, kept awake for hours by the fear that she’d never be close enough to them to breathe in their scent or to taste the salt on their skin.

In many ways, it was the reunion she’d expected after they woke up in the infirmary. A raw and anguished display of emotion that they’d only show to each other. The only difference was that they’d have been the ones to comfort _her_ while she cried over them. They would have wiped away her tears and teased her for worrying too much. Embarrassed, she’d have slapped their chest lightly before making them promise not to scare her like that again. They would have smirked and then sealed it with a kiss.

Now, they clung to her desperately, as if they were afraid she’d disappear at any moment, and all she could do was revel in the intimacy of it. An intense heat radiated from their bodies, and with every swipe of their thumb across her bare skin, she became further engulfed in flames. She imagined that she’d burn hotter than the sun if they continued on much longer. Not that she’d mind—there were worse ways to die.

She lost herself so entirely in the experience that she didn’t notice the crutches slipping out from under her fingers until it was too late. They fell limply at her sides, landing with a smack on the floor. The sound seemed to amplify in the otherwise silent room, and she cursed herself for being so stupid. Surely, the interlude was now over. They would pull away to investigate the noise, and then turn to assault her with their accusations. But, to her surprise, they only tightened their hold around her since there were no longer two obstacles in their way.

With her weight supported by them, she raised her hands to entwine in their hair, stroking the unkempt and dirty blonde locks. Then, a sob racked through all of them, their shoulders shaking from the sheer force of it. Myfanwy’s fingers stilled as she waited for them to recoil from her touch, to order her to stop. The seconds stretched between them, though, and the request never came. And so, she carried on.

She would have been content to stand there for an eternity. None of life’s stressors could reach her so long as she was wrapped in their arms. Not the guard posted outside her flat, or the Vultures who nearly killed her, or Farrier's efforts to keep them apart. There was only one person who mattered, and she was with them at last.

“You promised to come back.”

Their soft, broken voice rasped against her neck, barely audible. She didn’t even know if they’d meant for her to hear it. Although the words weren’t said with any malice, they still cut through to her core.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Unshed tears threatened to spill over as she apologized. It wasn’t her fault that the Lugat targeted her or that Farrier held her hostage. If given a second chance, she’d do a million things differently. However, she couldn’t change the past. So why did she feel such immense guilt?

Suddenly, they stepped back to look at her. She stood motionless, letting them take in the brace on her left leg, the cuts littered on her hands and arms, the dark purple bruising on her face, and then the angry gash on her forehead. Their expressions darkened into something deadly the further up her body their eyes traveled. It was a side of them that they rarely allowed her to see, reserved only for the most deranged and dangerous criminals they came across in their line of work. She had never been on the receiving end of that look, but she realized that she quite liked it.

Alex cupped the side of her head. He swiped his thumb over the tender skin and made a choked noise in his throat. “Myfanwy—”

“Who did this to you?” Teddy demanded.

She bristled at his sharp-edged tone, trying to think of an appropriate response to their question. The intricacies of Checquy-Lugat diplomatic relations weren’t something easily understood, and she didn’t want to waste the precious little time they had together teaching it to them. It would be simple enough to make up a lie. She could say she’d fallen down the set of stairs at her flat or had been run over by a bicycle courier on her way to work. They didn’t know her well enough to tell whether she was lying or not. But she also didn’t want to hurt them any more than she already had by being dishonest. Finally, she sighed. “It’s a long story.”

Eliza grasped her hand in both of hers. “I want to hear it.”

Myfanwy nodded weakly, unable to refuse them anything. She inspected the area for somewhere to sit, not wanting to stand on her injured leg for what would likely be a long conversation, and spotted one of their overturned mattresses lying against the wall. It was upside down, the corners of the white fitted sheet pulled loose on the ends. Amongst all the chaos and destruction in the room, it looked unbelievably inviting.

Grimacing, she glanced down at her crutches on the floor. There wasn’t a chance she’d make it to the mattress without them, at least not without sacrificing what dignity she had left by hobbling on one foot. Before she could consider how to pick them up, Robert crouched to his knees and then held them out to her. She smiled at him gratefully.

Once they were secured under her arms, she made her way across the room, strategically avoiding the articles of clothing, crumpled bedding, and torn book pages spread out on the ground. Gestalt followed close behind, their hands hovering over her back in case she lost her balance. At the wall, she carefully lowered herself to a sitting position and placed her crutches out of the way. While she settled herself more comfortably, Gestalt situated Eliza and Teddy on either side of her, and Robert and Alex in front of her, so she was surrounded. Then, they waited patiently for her to speak.

Myfanwy wrung her hands nervously. “Let me start by saying I’m so sorry. It wasn’t my choice to be gone for so long. I wanted to see you, but….” Her throat tightened, thick with emotion, and she couldn’t finish the sentence.

Gestalt took her hands again, nodding at her encouragingly. “Go on.”

She took a deep breath, then started from the beginning. “There’s an organization known as the Lugat. They traffic and sell highly-valuable EVAs in exclusive auctions, all across the world. Nazim, the boy who wiped your memories, was abducted in Syria and brought to London. When your paths crossed, he’d only just managed to escape them, and he thought you were there to bring him back.”

Taking note of their furrowed brows, she paused to give them time to process the information. A few seconds later, they squeezed her hands, signaling for her to continue.

“An EVA like Nazim is worth millions on the black market. And so, the Lugat won’t give up on him that easily,” Myfanwy admitted, more to herself than to them. “It doesn’t matter how, but they knew I’d had contact with him. Maybe they thought I would lead them to him, or I would hand him over. I don’t know. The point is that they were—_are_—after me. They wanted Nazim badly enough that they totaled my car and put me into a coma.”

She laughed humorlessly and looked up at Gestalt. All around her, they wore expressions ranging from shock to horror to rage. Their mouths opened and closed as they searched for something to say.

“Are you—”

“Is it safe—”

“All this time—”

“Why didn’t anyone—”

They made a frustrated noise and tried again. “Are you okay?”

If she was being honest, she’d never felt better. It was easy to take for granted the life she had before their memory loss. Every day, she woke up without having to worry about Gestalt’s mental state or Farrier inserting herself in their relationship. She didn’t have to think twice about Vultures chasing after her, because they had a mutual agreement that protected both of their interests. But now, she was painfully aware of how quickly she could lose it all. And at this moment, she had everything—and everyone—she needed.

“Yeah,” she breathed. “I’m okay.”

Robert scrubbed a hand over his bleary, bloodshot eyes. “You could have died, and I—”

“No one told me! I should have been there! I could have done something!“ Alex ranted, his face turning beet red.

“Maybe that’s my fault,” Myfanwy muttered. “I told Farrier a week ago that I wanted to visit you. She said that you were fine, and I took her word for it. I should have fought harder for you. And then she locked me in my fucking flat!”

“What?” Eliza asked, nonplussed.

Myfanwy shook her as if still in disbelief. “Farrier assigned agents to remain posted outside my flat so I couldn’t leave. They said it was for my protection, not that Farrier would answer the phone to tell me that herself. I had to sneak out past them just to see you.”

There was a stunned beat of silence as Gestalt gaped at her, slack-jawed. “Are you mad?” Teddy thundered.

“I don’t—” she frowned.

“You were nearly killed once already. What if they’d found you while you were driving here? What if they find you on your way back? They might be waiting at the gate for you right now!”

They looked stricken by the idea, and Myfanwy felt her stomach flip at the fact that they so obviously cared about her safety. In an attempt to calm their nerves, she brought their clasped hands closer to her lap and brushed her thumbs along their fingers. “The Vultures won’t kill me. They’re already in violation of the accord, and they won’t risk an all-out war with the Checquy over one EVA. Sooner or later, they’ll move on.”

“Vultures—”

“Accord—”

Gestalt winced, accidentally speaking all at once. Myfanwy already knew what their next questions were and started answering them before they even asked. For the rest of the night, she explained the role the Checquy served in society, the vast network of Vultures that existed in London alone, and the EVAs they used as pawns in their never-ending game of chess.

At some point, her eyes must have drifted shut because the sound of the door’s buzzer woke her in the morning. There was a brief moment of panic in which she didn’t recognize her surroundings, and thought she’d been taken by the Vultures, but then she remembered that she had escaped to New Glengrove.

As the fog of sleep faded, she discovered that her head rested against Eliza’s bony shoulder, the material of her shirt slightly damp with drool. Gestalt’s hands were still joined with hers, and all across the mattress and surrounding floor, they were fast asleep. Their slow, steady breathing might have lulled her back into a peaceful slumber, if not for the orderly pushing a squeaky cart into the room. The front wheels caught on one of their discarded pairs of trousers, and the man kicked it off to the side with his foot. He cleared a narrow path and then looked up to meet her eyes. Seeing that she was awake, he gave her a broad smile. “Buenos Días, sleeping beauty! I’ve got breakfast if you’re hungry. Best to eat it while it’s hot.”

Myfanwy’s face flooded with heat. “I’m not—”

“Fuck off, Carlos,” Gestalt mumbled.

She turned to look at them in question, but their eyes remained closed as if they hadn’t spoken at all. The man in front of her laughed heartily.

“Now you’re just hurting my feelings! I’ve had to listen to you drone on and on about this chica for _weeks_. And then, I deliver you this delicious spread of food to celebrate her return, and this is how you repay me? I expected better from you, Gestalt.”

Gestalt’s eyes suddenly snapped open, and they glared at him pointedly. “Don’t start with that again.”

Carlos held up his hands innocently. “I didn’t say a word. Unless there’s anything else I can get you, I’ll be on my way. See you two lovebirds later.” He winked at Myfanwy, and then was out the door before Gestalt could think of a proper reply.

With their cheeks stained pink, they sat up on the mattress so they could face her. “Sorry.”

“Friend of yours?” Myfanwy asked lightly. She tried for an air of nonchalance, though on the inside, her heart was racing at Carlos’s comment.

Alex scratched the scruff on his neck. “He’s not so bad.” 

“Are you hungry?” Eliza interjected, standing up spritely from the floor. “I can’t make any promises if it’s porridge or marmalade on toast, but the masala omelets are pretty good.”

“The Danish pastries, too,” Robert added. 

The excitement she felt at Gestalt talking about her to the staff deflated as they not so subtly changed the subject. Up ahead, Eliza pulled off the stainless steel food cover to reveal a stack of golden, crisp waffles. Jars of honey and jam sat on top of the cart, next to a bowl of mixed fruit and a pitcher of iced water. Her stomach rumbled greedily at the sight, and she set her concerns aside for later.

Myfanwy braced a hand against the wall to stand up, determined to make it on her own without any assistance, but Teddy reached out to stop her.

“Don’t get up,” he chastised. “I have eight functioning legs to your one. The least I can do is make you a plate of food.”

A smile pulled at her lips, and she nodded. Robert and Alex stood, then set to work preparing all the plates. They asked if she preferred honey or strawberry jam, and she answered honey. Picking up a spoonful of fruit, they asked if she wanted some, or if she only wanted a certain type of berry, they’d happily sort through the bowl. She told them mixed was fine.

Finished, they walked back to the mattress and handed her a full plate. She waited for them to settle themselves around her before lifting her fork to eat. Wisps of steam still rose from the waffles, and her mouth watered in anticipation. Not to mention, the smell was more enticing than anything she’d made in the last week.

“Aren’t you going to eat?”

She looked up, startled. They all stared disappointedly at her untouched plate as if they’d failed some sort of test. It took a minute for her to realize why they looked so upset. Then, she stabbed her fork into the waffles and took a generous first bite. Gestalt’s shoulders instantly relaxed as they watched her swallow. Satisfied, they began to eat as well.

In a perfect world, she would have used their time together to talk. There was so much more that they needed to know. There were stories and shared experiences that she thought might spark a memory or two. But the sweet taste of breakfast made it difficult to remember any of it. She had been so preoccupied with getting back to New Glengrove that she hadn’t taken very good care of herself. And judging by the way Gestalt devoured their own plates, they hadn’t coped well with the separation either.

Sometime later, she polished off the last drop of honey with a blueberry, and then set her fork down. Robert held out his hand to collect her plate and take it back to the cart. Before she could give it to him, the buzzer sounded throughout the room, and in walked Dr. Sinclair. Beneath the black frames of his glasses, his eyes shined brightly. He took in the scene with something that resembled amusement, then switched his attention to her. “Myfanwy, may I have a word?”

The formality of the request made her feel like she was about to be scolded by her old headmaster. To be fair, she supposed she did in fact break the rules by spending the night. There was also the issue of her fleeing her flat during the shift change. She could only imagine the consequences she’d face now. Sighing, she reached for her crutches on the floor.

Alex shot up to his feet. “Where are you taking her?”

“Gestalt—” Dr. Sinclair started, tiredly. 

“No!” Eliza and Robert stood up. They arranged themselves in a line, essentially blocking her from the doctor’s view. “You didn’t tell me shit for weeks! She was in a fucking coma, and all you cared about was your goddamn experiments!”

Myfanwy lowered her mouth to Teddy’s ear. “It’s okay. I won’t go far, I promise.”

Gestalt whipped their heads to look at her. “I’ve heard that before.”

“You’re just going to have to trust me,” she said pleadingly. Shame weighed on her chest like a cement brick. It wasn’t fair that the Lugat could take this from her, too.

Though they seemed reluctant to let her leave, they stepped obediently to the side. Teddy helped her to stand, then handed her the crutches. Dr. Sinclair held the door open for her as she trekked across the semi-clean path Carlos had made earlier. Sweat beaded at her forehead, the pain in her leg intensifying the longer she went without her pain medication, which she regretfully left back at her flat. As soon as she crossed the threshold, she breathed a sigh of relief, listening to the door shut behind her.

Dr. Sinclair stopped by the outer wall. “How are you feeling?”

“Not terrible; all things considered.” Myfanwy shrugged as best she could while gripping the handlebars. Anxious, she tapped her nails on one of the metal rods. “How much trouble am I in for staying?”

“None,” Dr. Sinclair answered. He took off his glasses, then slid them into his breast pocket. “At least, no more than I am. I’ve already spoken to Farrier, and I imagine she’ll be ringing you soon as well. What’s done is done. However, I’d like to talk to you about Gestalt. I stayed up all night watching the monitors, and I have to admit that I’m impressed. Their transformation is like night and day.”

She swelled with pride at his admission. “Take it as a lesson not to lie to them. They’re smarter than you, or anyone else gives them credit for. You can’t expect them to make any sort of progress if they don’t trust you.”

“Perhaps you’re right,” Dr. Sinclair hummed thoughtfully. “Do you think Gestalt would be amenable to some light training today? I’d hate to waste one of their good days in case they have another setback.”

Myfanwy’s face fell. “Can’t it wait? After everything, don’t they deserve at least one day to themselves?”

The doctor studied her for a moment. “Very well. In the grand scheme of things, a day of rest might be just what they need.”

“Thank—” A vibration at her hip cut her off mid-sentence. Frowning, she reached down into her pocket to pull out her phone. The name at the top of the screen read Linda Farrier. Her eyes darted up to Dr. Sinclair. “Speak of the devil. I should probably take this.”

He nodded at her in understanding. “Please, take your time.”

Myfanwy tucked the phone back into her pocket, then made her way around the corner for some semblance of privacy. Once she was out of hearing range, she accepted the call. “Hello, Linda.”

“Christ, Myfanwy! What the fuck were you thinking? Do you realize the danger you put yourself in?”

“Took you long enough to notice I’d left, didn’t it?” Myfanwy said sarcastically. “Maybe the agents you had holding me prisoner should take a refresher course at the academy. Their skills seem to be lacking.”

Farrier sighed into the receiver. “You’re angry.”

“Fuck yes, I’m angry!” Myfanwy snapped.

“What else would you have me do? You suffered major head trauma, and you can barely walk. It’s a miracle you’re even alive,” Farrier paused to emphasize her point. “You’re a marvelous bureaucrat, Myfanwy, but even you have to admit that your combat skills aren’t what they used to be. How would you defend yourself if Vultures came after you again? It’s bad enough that Gestalt is out there at New Glengrove. What are we supposed to do if the Checquy loses its only other Rook?”

Myfanwy hated that she didn’t have an answer. “So, what happens now? Is an agent en route to collect me? Bring me back to my flat where I’ll stay locked up until this Vulture business is sorted?”

“It was only meant to be temporary. Conrad has been trying to contact Lorik Pernaska to come to an agreement. You just need to be patient. We’re in uncharted waters, and we don’t need to do anything to provoke the Vultures. In the meantime, you might as well spend the afternoon with Gestalt. I’m not thrilled with the idea of rewarding your insubordination, but you’re already there, and New Glengrove is highly secured. You’ll be safer there than at your flat. I’ll send a car to take you home this evening.”

Tears pricked at the back of her eyes. It was more than she ever dared hope for, but she still couldn’t bring herself to thank Farrier. Not after everything she’d done. “Right,” she agreed simply.

“Right,” Farrier repeated. She sounded drained from their discussion. “Take care of yourself, Myfanwy.”

And the line went dead.

Myfanwy brought the phone to her chest, absorbing what she’d just learned. A whole day with Gestalt. No work, no training sessions. The possibilities were endless. But there was something she needed to do first. She put the phone in her pocket and walked back to Dr. Sinclair, who was speaking to a young woman in scrubs. At the sound of her crutches thumping on the floor, they both turned to look at her. The woman nodded at something he said, then took off down the hall with a clipboard nestled in her arm.

The doctor regarded her curiously. “Everything go okay?”

“Yeah,” Myfanwy stated. “I’ll be staying here until this evening. I’d like to ask a favor, though. Is Nazim allowed visitors? There are a few questions I’d like to ask him.”

Dr. Sinclair nodded. “That shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll need a few minutes to locate him. Unless you didn’t mean right now?”

“No, I’d rather get it out of the way.” Myfanwy glanced in the direction of Gestalt’s room and found them watching her from the small window. _Had they been there the whole time?_

“Of course. If you want to follow me—”

She hesitated. “Actually, can I talk to Gestalt for a minute?”

The lines on his forehead bunched together, not understanding her change of mind, but he waved at the guard to swipe his access card. When the door opened, Gestalt stepped back to let her through, and their hands twitched at their sides like they wanted to reach out and pull her inside. Myfanwy walked halfway into the room, then stopped to look at them. “There’s someone I need to see in the building. It shouldn't take too long, and I’ll come back as soon as I’m done.”

Gestalt lifted their thumbnails to their mouths. “Who do you need to see?”

“Nazim.” Myfanwy sensed their immediate disapproval and tried to lighten the mood by touching the ends of their hair. “Maybe while I’m gone, you could take a shower.”

Teddy wrapped his fingers around her wrist, holding her hand to his face. “You’ll be right back?”

“If you promise to shower, yeah,” she laughed. The stubble on his chin scratched her skin, sending a pleasant rush through her. It had been years since the identical twins had grown out their beards. Not since they were teenagers, before the fire. “We’re going to be spending the day together.”

They brightened at that, smiling for the first time since she’d arrived. She returned their smile and tugged her hand free, then headed out of the door. Behind her, she heard Gestalt scrambling around the room, though she didn’t turn to see what they were doing. Instead, she focused all her energy on getting to the hallway, so she could find Nazim and make it back to them quickly.

“Ready?” Dr. Sinclair asked.

Once she nodded, Dr. Sinclair led her to the lift, checking his phone occasionally for an incoming message. The hallways were busy as medical staff attended to EVAs admitted on the floor. Some of the nurses did a double-take at her, then whispered into each other’s ears. Myfanwy pretended not to notice it. When the lift doors opened, a bell chimed at her side, and Dr. Sinclair read the text. “Nazim is waiting for you on the West field. Are you alright to walk that far?”

“Yeah,” she huffed.

As it turned out, it was a strenuous trip across the building. Her palms grew slick on the handlebars of her crutches, and her underarms ached from taking on so much of her weight. It didn’t help that students and staff repeatedly stopped Dr. Sinclair to discuss treatment plans, scheduling conflicts, and other unrelated nonsense. He waved them off each time, telling them that he’d get around to it in an hour or two.

Fortunately, they made it outside a few minutes later. The sun was already high in the sky, and she blinked harshly at its brightness. In the distance, she could hear voices yelling commands on the football field. She thought Dr. Sinclair would take her across the grass to see the game, but instead, he walked around the side of the building. And there, Nazim waited on a concrete bench.

“Nazim?” Myfanwy called out.

His head snapped to her, and he grinned. “Myfanwy! I wasn’t sure I’d see you again! What happened to you?”

She closed the space between them in three long strides. At the bench, she lowered herself next to him and rested her crutches against the wall. “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine. How are you? Are they treating you okay?”

“It’s been great! Everyone is really nice, and I have my own room,” Nazim said. He seemed to think something over, and then his smile fell. “They still won’t tell me anything about my family, though. Do you know anything? Is that why you’re here?”

Myfanwy instantly felt like shit for only thinking about herself. “No, I’m sorry,” she apologized sincerely. “I’ll be happy to look into it when I get back to the office. Ah, the reason why I’m here is that I’d like to ask you about the Vultures who brought you to London. Do you remember anything about them? Did you hear them say their names?”

Nazim narrowed his eyes at the ground. “No. I don’t think so. They wore hoods over their heads, so I didn’t get a good look at their faces.”

“What about scars? Tattoos? Do you remember their accents?”

He was quiet for a long time. “One of the men had a snake tattoo on his right arm. I saw it when he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. And all of them were Russian, I think. Does that help?”

“Yes,” Myfanwy reassured. “Yes, it does. Thank you. If I can track down the Vultures responsible, maybe I can put an end to all of this.”

“Put an end to what?”

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.” They sat in silence for a few minutes before Myfanwy asked the other question on her mind. “And what about your EVA training?”

“I’m learning to control it. But I can’t undo the memory loss. At least not yet,” Nazim said solemnly.

Myfanwy didn’t say anything right away. She didn’t trust her voice not to break, and she didn’t want to make him feel any guiltier than he already looked. There was still a spark of hope inside of her, though. “Right, okay.”

Nazim opened his mouth to speak, but someone shouted his name from across the field, attracting both of their attention. A girl about his age waved at him frantically to come back. His cheeks turned red, and he ducked his head so Myfanwy couldn’t see. “I have to go.”

“Yeah, go on,” Myfanwy smirked.

He started toward the field, then turned to look at her. “Will you visit again? It’s nice having someone else to talk to. Someone who knows my story.”

“I’d like that.”

Nazim grinned and took off to join the other EVAs. Myfanwy watched as he sidled up to the blonde girl and grabbed her hand. Even though he hadn’t made the progress she hoped, she was still happy that he’d found happiness at New Glengrove. With a heavy sigh, she pushed herself to her feet and walked over to Dr. Sinclair. He observed the game from under a tree, his fist pumping as one of the teams scored. “Did you get what you need?”

She bit the inside of her cheek. “Close enough. But there is one more thing I’d like to ask of you.”

Dr. Sinclair quirked an eyebrow. “Yes?”

Myfanwy explained her idea on the way upstairs. It took some convincing, but once she told him the significance of the memory, he agreed. If it worked, then it was more effective than any training session. And if it didn’t, then at least Gestalt still had a good day.

A guard she didn’t recognize unlocked the door to their room. Dr. Sinclair pulled him aside as she walked in, and at first, she thought she’d stepped into someone else’s living quarters. The beds were immaculately made, the floors swept clean, and the clothes hung neatly in the wardrobe. Myfanwy only knew that she was in the right room by the shredded padding on the walls.

“Is this better?” four voices asked behind her.

Myfanwy adjusted her crutches so she could face Gestalt. They stood in the entryway of the room, freshly showered and shaved. Although their skin was still paler than normal, the black rings around their eyes had mostly disappeared. They wore some of the items she’d brought for them in the suitcase, and this time, on the correct bodies. She wondered if they did that on their own, or if someone prompted them in the right direction.

“Much better,” she murmured.

They grinned and grabbed hold of her hands. “What should we do today?”

“Hmm, I was thinking you should show me around New Glengrove. I’m sure you’re tired of being cooped up in this room.”

“Is that a good idea?” Alex asked, gesturing to her leg.

Myfanwy rolled her eyes. “Yes. Now come on.”

Gestalt gave her a skeptical look but led her out of the room nonetheless. The guard was gone by the time they made it to the hallway, and they nodded for her to follow them through a side door. They started on the fourth floor and worked their way down.

On the fourth floor, they showed her the medical wing, which mostly consisted of the infirmary, labs, therapy rooms, isolation rooms, and various offices.

On the third floor, they showed her the dormitories where the other EVAs lived. There were also communal showers and a lounge area.

On the second floor, they showed her the classrooms used for EVA-specific training. Each room was fitted for the different levels of EVA classification. Fire-resistant walls, shatter-proof windows, sound-absorbing floors, everything needed to teach EVAs how to master their abilities in a safe and controlled environment.

On the first floor, they showed her several different recreation centers, the archives, and then the dining hall.

A handful of EVAs were eating lunch at the tables when they arrived. They conversed lowly amongst themselves, not paying any mind to the amnesiac hive mind or New Glengrove’s unexpected guest loitering at the entrance. Exhausted, Myfanwy leaned against the wall and winced at the pain in her leg.

Robert frowned. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Myfanwy replied, forcing a note of cheerfulness into her voice.

Gestalt didn’t look convinced by her attempt at enthusiasm. They chewed on their bottom lip thoughtfully, and then Eliza wordlessly walked off in the direction of the kitchen.

“Where are you going?”

They held up a finger to stop her. “Just a second.”

After a few minutes, Eliza returned, carrying a small wooden basket. She walked past them to the door leading outside and held it open. Myfanwy hesitated for a moment and then swung her crutches around to follow after her. The other bodies trailed lazily behind, letting her set the pace so as not to rush her. 

They brought her to one of the fields, lush with thick and vibrant green grass. Before she could ask what they were doing, Teddy pulled out a red and white checkered tablecloth from the basket and laid it down on the ground. Then, the other bodies started taking out pre-made sandwiches and little bottles of water.

“Is this what I think it is?”

Gestalt looked up at her. “If you think it’s a picnic, then yes.”

She tried to fight her smile, but it was a losing battle. Alex held out his hands to help her down onto the makeshift blanket. She dropped her crutches unceremoniously at her sides and let him lower her in-between Robert and Eliza.

“Is this okay?” they asked.

Myfanwy laughed breathlessly. “I love it.”

Gestalt beamed at her, then handed her one of the sandwiches. Tearing back the plastic packaging, she bit into it eagerly and hummed at the taste of mustard and pickle on her tongue. It was also better than anything she’d cooked while locked in her flat. They ate quietly, simply enjoying each other’s company.

When they had finished, she laid back on the grass and stared up at the clouds in the sky. If she squinted, she could almost make out the shape of a bird in one of them. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so unburdened. Even before their memory loss, she didn’t think she ever took the time to really appreciate her life.

Gestalt cleared their throat beside her, and she looked over at them. “I know it’s not a meringue, but it’s the best I could do on short notice,” they said, before handing her a mini chocolate cupcake.

Myfanwy propped herself up on her elbow and studied the decorative swirls of frosting. “I wasn’t sure if I should ask. I didn’t want to upset you. But I need to know. What…happened while I was gone? Last night, your room was trashed, and you looked haunted.”

Gestalt avoided meeting her eyes. Rather, they all laid down in the grass and watched a plane pass overhead. “We never agreed on a day you’d come back. At first, I thought you’d just gotten busy. You have a life outside of New Glengrove, outside of me. Of course, you couldn’t be here every day. And then more days passed, and I started to worry. I asked Dr. Sinclair if he’d heard from you, but he just changed the subject.

“After a few more days, I became angry. I hated you for having a life outside of me. I hated Dr. Sinclair for not listening to me. I hated myself for needing you so much. You’re a stranger to me, and yet I can’t seem to stop thinking about you. I refused to go to my training sessions. I wouldn’t eat. I barely slept. I destroyed my room more than once, but the staff would always clean it up the next day. And so the cycle continued.” 

Myfanwy let out a shuddering breath. A part of her almost wished she hadn’t asked. It tore her to shreds to think that they’d _hated_ her for the last month. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Eliza said gently. “I don’t blame you. Not anymore. It’s my fault for not being able to compartmentalize my emotions. Everything feels so intense with four bodies, and it makes it difficult to think clearly.”

“You’ll get there. You’ve done it once already. And this time you have me to help you.”

Gestalt closed their eyes and smiled.

They remained on the field for hours. The sun slipped under the horizon, turning the sky into ribbons of red, orange, and yellow. In the background, lights began to flicker on inside the building as New Glengrove’s residents settled into their nightly routines.

Gestalt packed up their picnic supplies and then helped Myfanwy to her feet. They kept a deliberately slow pace on their way into the building, and Alex dropped off the basket in the kitchen before they brought her upstairs to their room. The guard from earlier let them in and nodded at Myfanwy.

She sat down on one of the beds and took out her phone. 7:59 pm.

“When do you have to leave?”

Myfanwy ignored the question. She stared at the numbers on her screen until they reconfigured to 8:00 pm. Then, she grinned conspiratorially and slipped off the bed. “Let’s go.”

“It’s curfew,” Robert explained. “I can’t go anywhere.”

She snorted. “That never stopped you before. Trust me. It’ll be worth it.”

“The door’s locked.”

Her eyes widened in mock innocence. “Is it? Why don’t you double-check?”

Teddy frowned but crossed the room to the door. He gripped the handle and twisted it to the right. And the door opened. “Myfanwy?”

“Come on!” she laughed.

They seemed to be at war with themselves, unsure whether they should leave or not. In the end, they couldn’t resist their own curiosity. The floor was eerily quiet as they stepped out of the room. There wasn’t a single person in sight, though she wouldn’t be surprised if they were being watched from the monitors. Myfanwy motioned for Gestalt to follow her to the lift. They looked over their shoulders every few meters as if they were expecting staff to come charging around the corner at any moment.

They rode the lift down to the first level, and then she started toward the kitchen. More than once, Gestalt stopped her from running into someone. They took turns peering down hallways and up staircases and into windows, so they wouldn’t be caught. She was careful not to let her crutches make too much noise, not wanting to ruin the experience for them.

Eventually, they made it to the kitchen, and she instructed them to barricade the door with milk crates. If they thought it was a strange request, they didn’t show it. When they were done, they turned to look at her expectantly. “Now what?”

Myfanwy leaned against one of the steel countertops. “Do you remember what I told you about us sneaking out past curfew as kids?”

Gestalt tilted their heads to the side. “You said we’d steal sweets from the pantry.”

Then, it was like a lightbulb turned on, and they strode to the back of the kitchen. Myfanwy listened as they rattled boxes, searching for the goods hidden within them. A can dropped to the ground, followed by a string of curses.

“Are you okay in there?” Myfanwy asked.

Gestalt mumbled something too low for her to make out. A couple of minutes later, they returned, holding an assortment of candies and snacks. They dropped their loot on the counter next to her, and then grinned triumphantly.

Myfanwy picked up one of the chocolate bars. “Excellent work, Rook Gestalt.”

“From international espionage to stealing sweets out of a box of linguine. I’m a modern-day James Bond.”

She bit down into the rich chocolate. “Did you at least have fun?”

The corner of Alex’s mouth twitched. “A little.”

They picked up their own candies and set to eating them. When they finished those, they ate another one. And then one more.

“Thank you for this. I know what you were trying to do, and it worked,” Eliza said, stepping closer to her. 

Myfanwy’s eyes flickered down to her lips. “You’re welcome.”

The air around them charged with anticipation. Gestalt seemed to have stopped breathing as their mouths gravitated toward each other like magnets. But before their lips could meet, a clattering noise at the door made them jump apart. They turned to see the milk crates tumbling to the ground, and a stocky man pushing his way into the kitchen.

He shook his head at the mess. “Myfanwy? It’s time to go. Your car’s waiting out front.”

Myfanwy slumped against the counter. “Of course, it is.”

“You’ll come back? Two days from now?” Gestalt pressed.

“I promise,” Myfanwy said, looking them in the eyes. They started to protest, and she brought her finger to their lips. “I’ll be back in two days. Nothing in the world could stop me.”

Gestalt’s expression turned dark. “What about the fucking Vultures?”

“Not even them,” she answered.

“If you’re not here, I’ll come looking for you. You reminded me of something tonight. I may not remember who I am, but I’ve been trained my entire life to be a threat. Somewhere deep inside of me, I’m still that person.”

Myfanwy nodded grievously. “You don’t have to worry. I’ll see you in two days. Promise.”

They watched sullenly as she made her way to the door. The man leaned against the frame and pointed his finger at Gestalt. “And you need to return to your room. Don’t let me catch you in here when I get back.”

He escorted Myfanwy to the front of the building, perhaps to ensure she wouldn’t try to spend the night again. All the way, she thought about how shattered she’d been since the day Gestalt lost their memories. And now, it felt like she was beginning to put the pieces of herself back together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some fluffy Mystalt to celebrate the one year anniversary of The Rook.


End file.
